Friendly Feelz

Have you ever gotten upset at someone about something and NOT wanted them to know because it was kinda selfish that you were upset, so you tried to ignore it...  except you are the world's WORST poker face, so anytime the reason why you were upset came up, everyone around could SEE that you were, in fact, VERY upset about it?  Which of course leads to talking about it with those people that have noticed you're upset...  which usually is NOT the person you are actually upset at.  And then, because you're friends with people who are friends, the person who you were upset at finds out about it...  and you didn't want them to know you were upset in the first place?

Feelz are hard yo.  By "feelz" I mean feelings.

I like to pretend that I'm all tough and badass and mostly feelz-less..  But sometimes, there are things that matter to me and my feelings get hurt pretty quickly if things don't turn out like I want them to.  Which is kinda childish, I'll admit, but I'm adult enough to admit it, so I feel like it kinda balances out.

And so, when your friend finds out, they call you out on why did they have to find out from someone else that you were upset with them (ya know, like adults wouldn't do, ever)?  And every reason for not saying, "Hey, you hurt my feelings by doing blah blah blah," just doesn't make up for the fact that you felt selfish for even being upset to begin with because you know that they are right about their facts and you are right about yours?

Le sigh.

Seriously, adulthood is hard.

You then manage to have a pretty tense conversation with your friend about the whole situation and it's wrapped up with a, "Well, I hope we can more forward from this and it doesn't affect our relationship," except you feel like it's extremely hollow because the damage has already been done from both sides.

It hurts even more than it did to begin with.  You question why you had to be upset in the first place, why feelings are so freakin' difficult.

Too much feelz.

I guess my problem is that I felt like admitting that my feelings were hurt in the first place wouldn't have changed anything why is why I kept my mouth shut to begin with.  Adulthood is hard.  Where's my crayons?