High Five for Friday #1

Really, I wanted to talk about some semi-awesome things.... and an awesome new linkup (which will probably end soon, with my current linkup streak) is a great way to do it!

I present to you:

SO yeah, this.  Maybe not all time, but for today at least... we'll see.  I'd hate to start being a regular and then ruining it for everyone else when Lauren stops hosting it......



1.  Yesterday morning when I got to work, someone asked me if I was wearing makeup.  I wasn't, so they explained that I looked different/nice.  Not 30 minutes later, someone else walked into our office and asked if I had done something different because I looked good.  For having done nothing except put my hair in a different sock bun, I was pleased.

Said sock bun.
For as big as it is and has little hair as I have to cover it, the tiny slice of sock you can see doesn't hurt my feelings.

2.  Last day of May?  YAYYYY!!!!  That means that I survived the Blog Every Day in May challenge with only one slip up and I was only late.  I consider that a win in my book.  It also means that this non-existent month can finally end and I can schedule things without having to over-think them.

3.  Today is potentially a half day at work, but also my first time wearing my Dress Whites in....  yeah well, I had to get NAVCENT rockers removed to get AIRTEVRON ONE rockers put on.. I didn't wear my whites in Bahrain or GTMO.. so VA Beach, circa 2009?  Seriously.  Also, the dry cleaners on base, which should be stellar because it's a contract the Navy keeps, should be fired.  They suck hairy monkey balls.  Seriously!  They pressed pocket lines into my blouse!  AT THE BASE DRY CLEANERS!  Because flipping up the pockets on the inside before pressing the blouse is just too hard.  Additionally, the tailor shop isn't connected with the dry cleaners, even though you can see the ladies walk through the door to get to the tailor who is beside the dry cleaning shop, you still have to take your uniforms to the tailor then pick them up and drop them off at the dry cleaner instead of it being a one stop ship.  I'm definitely putting in a complaint when I go to pick up my suit (that I dropped off almost 2 weeks ago.. oops).  The cleaners in GTMO AND Bahrain were better, and the people that worked there weren't even American.  Sometimes, America is full of disappointment.  (Yes, I know I could sew on my patches and press my uniforms myself, but how would that support my local economy?)

4.  Teh Bear arrives for a short visit (for step 8 of 8) in less than 2 weeks!  These short countdowns are awesome (although no countdowns would be preferable).

5.  My flowers are blooming!  I planted something and it didn't DIE!!!!  YAY!  Also, the honeysuckle is blooming and I just lllllloooooooovvveee the smell!  I always think of Teh Sister trying to kill herself with it, ok she didn't really try to kill herself, but she found out she was allergic the hard way.

Ok, I didn't actually plant these, but I have been watering them and
I saved them from being weed-eated several weeks ago!

31 May: The last straw.

Day 31, Friday: A vivid memory

Most of my vivid memories are my most painful memories.  The lessons that were seared across my heart and mind, never to be forgotten.

Let's talk about when Teh Ex-Fiance decided to fall off the face of the earth... and my breaking point of our relationship.

It was a normal day.  Teh Ex-Fiance had been at work all day, I had went to class, I came home and finished up homework, fed the dog, and started playing some WoW while waiting on him to arrive home.

He usually called me to chat on his way home from work since the commute was 30 mins to an hour depending on traffic from Durham to Raleigh at the time.  I knew he'd be about an hour since he was coming home during rush hour..  But the hour passed and he hadn't called.  He sometimes got held up at work since he was a manager, so I let it go (see what I did there?).  Then 2 hours passed and he still hadn't even called or texted to say he was going to be late.  I let it go again, sometimes he called his dad on the way home.  No big deal.  Except... his dad called me.  He said he hadn't heard from Teh Ex-Fiance all day (they spoke daily), and he was worried cause he said he would call on his way home from work and hadn't.

Cue panic.

I went outside to look for Teh Ex-Fiance's car in the parking lot and didn't see it.  He did drive a black car and I was in panic-mode.  I called his dad back and said I couldn't find his car and immediately we were thinking the worst.  I'm not sure who made it to the internet news sites for Raleigh faster, me or his dad.  We checked traffic reports and there had been no accidents on I-40E.  I then considered that maybe he had called his uncle (who he was also close with) instead of his dad or I.  I asked his dad to call his brother and see.  Nope.

I'm starting to flip out.  I'm calling everyone who knows him to ask if they'd heard from him or seen him.  Everyone had seen him at work and he'd left when he was supposed to.  Where.the.fuck.was.he?

I went back outside and walked to the parking spaces.  His car was there.  The engine was still clicking like it hadn't been off for very long.  Maybe I didn't see it, maybe it hadn't been there before.  I had no idea.  I called his dad back.  "Teh Ex-Fiance's car is in the parking lot, but I haven't seen him.  He hasn't come inside at all.  I'm going to take Rue (our 10 pound Shorkie) and go look for him."  (Because obviously someone is going to be scared of my midget-dog).  His dad told me to be careful, he even told me he loved me (ok, I miss Teh Ex-Fiance's dad and uncle, they were great.  I'm sure they probably don't miss me and that's ok).

The area we lived wasn't super shady, but walking around at night wasn't the most comfortable thing I ever did.  Our townhouse complex was beside a park that had been known to have bad visitors once it got dark, but I knew that's where I had to start.  It was the darkest night I'd ever been out in, especially to be in the city.  There were almost no street lights on for some reason, which creeped me out.

I started walking toward the park, keeping my head on a swivel, praying that I wasn't about to walk into my rapist/murderer/kidnapper/worst nightmare.  I got to the park and Rue was excited that we were going on an adventure.  The park wasn't very big, but since it was so dark I couldn't really see through it.  I scanned the street to my left and didn't see anyone or anything and looked to my right to see more of nothing.  I've never been more petrified to walk into the dark in my life, but I put one foot in front of the other and darted between the street lights.

Then I saw movement up ahead.  I almost peed in my pants.  I was sure that whatever creeper was out at the park that late at night was up to no good.  I was probably going to get jabbed with a dirty needle and get AIDS and die before I could even graduate college.  Then Rue tried to lunge ahead towards the person!  I was like, OH HELL NO DOG! and pulled her back.  She didn't even make a sound.  I stood frozen in place until the person passed under another street light and I slowly recognized the bald head, the collared shirt, the familiar stride.

Relief and rage almost boiled over right there.  If I hadn't been scared shitless from being out in the dark in a sketchy place I would have ran up to him, yelling, and punched him.  I didn't want to make a scene in case there were actually any sketchy people in the park that I couldn't see.

There was a picnic table a few feet ahead, but it wasn't under a street light, but I knew that's where I was going to wait, rapists be damned.  Rue didn't even make a peep.  He continued his walk around the park and I realized he was talking on the phone.  I had no idea who he was talking to, but I wanted to kill whoever was on the other end of the phone that helped create the situation where I was in a panic AND his family was in a panic.

After what seemed like an eternity, he finally made it back to my side of the park.  I saw him pass our street and notice something in my direction.  He didn't know what he was looking at though.  He continued his pace, fearless in the dark that scared me senseless.  Once he got within a few feet, I stood up from the picnic table and let Rue go.  He finally jumped and yelled.  I found meager pleasure in his fright.

"Dear, you really scared me!"
"Yes well, everyone thinks your dead.  Maybe you should call your dad and inform him you've just been wandering around in the dark?"
"Wait, what?"
"Do you even know what time it is?  Who are you talking to?"
"It's not that late.  It's Mel."
"Call your dad."

And with that, I stomped back inside with Rue, trying to let the rage abate.  I knew who Mel was.  A friend of his that he'd met online prior to our relationship that he kept in contact with.  I had no issues with her, or her friend (that he later ended up marrying), but it was one thing to keep in contact and another thing to ignore the entire world and have people worried about your life status while you're out meandering in the dark talking to your troubled friend.

After 30 more minutes he finally came back inside.  I had already called his dad and uncle to let them know he was fine, a dumbass, but alive until he actually came back inside and I got ahold of him... at which point I wouldn't end his life, but he might wish I had.  They were on my side.

I didn't even speak to him, which is the easiest way to know when Teh Megan is angry.  He came in and acted like everything was fine.  He sat down at his computer and signed into WoW to start his evening activities, several hours late.  I simmered for about 5 more minutes before I finally stormed out of the computer room, deciding to go to bed.  On the way out of the room, Teh Queen of Passive-Aggressiva (me) muttered, "Oh, hi, glad to see you tonight.  How are you?  Sorry?  Fuck you?  Nope.  No, FUCK YOU!"

At which point he responded, "You're the one not talking to me!"
And the rage bubbled over......
"Are you fucking kidding me?  You're over 3 hours late getting home from work and I don't care.  I don't care that you didn't call me on your way.  I didn't care that you were out walking around the park waiting to get mugged by a drug addict.  I didn't even care that you were talking to another girl!  BUT WE HAD NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON AND YOUR FAMILY WAS CALLING ME!!!!!!!  NO I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!  YOU COULD HAVE BEEN DEAD!!!"

At which point he tried to explain whatever the reason was for having a 3 hour phone conversation with her where he ignored all mine and his family's calls, despite hearing them (which he acknowledged and said got annoying after a while) and how he just wanted to talk in a quiet place without interruption, so he walked around outside.

I knew falling asleep that night that I had been ignoring a lot of signs for a very long time.  I knew that I could never marry someone that cared so little about me that they couldn't be bothered to at least let me know they were alive when I was beside myself with worry, which was a very, very, veryyyyy rare thing for me, and they knew that I was upset.

It took several more weeks before the relationship was finally over, but after the tears of him removing the ring from my finger (because I physically couldn't do it (not that it wouldn't come off, but the act of removing it was unbearably scary to me)) and a week of trying to live together, I moved out and left the key on the kitchen counter.  I had to leave Rue, which broke my heart and hers.

The last contact I had with Teh Ex-Fiance was a message on AIM (which all the cool kids were still using) asking to talk to me about what had happened and I set him straight on not being willing to heart-to-heart anymore and that I was trying to move on and that talking to him wasn't a part of that, so he needed to stop trying to contact me and get on with his life without me.  One of his last messages to me was a thank you for being so straight forward with him and he was sorry he had tried to take out his anger on me in his messages.

The very last message he sent me was that he sincerely wished me the best and that he didn't regret anything.

Honestly, I hope he is doing well too.

Baby Rue giving me kisses.

PS.  May is over.

30 May: "Letting Go"

Day 30, Thursday: React to this term: Letting Go


Mostly, I think of Garden State.... Please listen video while continuing on....

Ok, lets also discuss how I kinda wrote about this on the 8th.

Truth be told, I often have to remind myself to just let stuff go, which, I guess, is kinda different than "LETTING GO", since I can find a different in these similar statements.

"to let stuff go" vs "letting go"
"to let stuff go" = the act of letting single/individual things pass.  not necessarily to mean in the present tense.
"letting go" = allowing things in the present tense, as in currently, right now, in this moment, to be out of your control.

You see, one of these is harder for me than the other.  I can "let stuff go" all the time (except for being called the wrong title at work), but to just "let go" kills me.  It's extremely hard for me not to be in control, which I've also talked about.

Letting go also would kind of inflect some sort of progression/movement due to a change or loss.

^^ my favorite "letting go" quote
Photo by me in GTMO.

Letting go is about allowing yourself to grow and learn from whatever experiences you're trying to not hang on to.

I wish I could get better at this!

29 May: Muzaks

Day 29, Wednesday: Five songs or pieces of music that speak to you or bring back memories. 


(sorry I'm late) :(





1.  Bacchanale (PS, that video isn't short, but damn it's good)
For me this song represents my last concert semester in band.  We didn't actually get to play this piece for contest because our band was too small to make a big enough sound, but we LOVED this piece.  It also helped that we had a substitute director that day who made it even more fun. The more the director dances, the better the band, IMO.  My love for this piece will never die.

2.  Sex and Candy by Marcy Playground Honestly, I hate this song.  I hated this song after the mabillion times I heard it played.  This song came out during the summer my parents finally separated.  Teh Sister, Four-Eyes (my neighbor at the time), and myself often spent as many days as we could possibly get a ride at the community pool.  We practically stayed water-logged.  During the summer, all the other pool frequenters were school aged kids who weren't around their parents, so the rebellious thing to do was listen to the "sex song" that was popular at the time.  Seriously, kids would like up at the jukebox to play this song and I wanted to drown them.

3.  So Far Away by Staind This song came out before I started my senior year of high school.  Teh Ex-Fiance bought this album and Evanescence's first album for me on one of our first dates.  We would have sing alongs to this song and we even went to Oz Fest to see Staind.  This was back in 2003 when Chevelle was an opening band.  I got the worst sunburn ever, but it was my first concert, so it was totally worth it.  PS.  Teh Ex-Fiance looked creepily like Aaron Lewis.

 4.  Dare You to Move by Switchfoot I'm pretty sure that some psychic force used to be in Teh Kaar and it would know when Teh Worldwide Jesus Lover and I were getting in the car together.  There was a period when this song would play every.single.time we were in the car together.  I'm not even exaggerating.  Even after she had left the country, sometimes she'd call while I'd be driving and the song would come on the radio even though it wasn't even popular anymore.  Then when she came back to the country and I went to visit her, the song played while we were on our way somewhere.  Now anytime it comes on, I message her, because that's OUR song.

5.  Home by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros I've deemed this "our song" for me and Teh Bear.  I told him before he came to visit me in Bahrain he needed to learn the words so if it came on my ipod while we were out that he HAD to sing it with me.  I left no option there.  He did actually learn the words, even though he said he never remembers the lyrics to songs, AND he actually sang it with me.  There is video of me serenading him in Teh Kaar to this song.  Teh Bear still sings it with me if it comes on.  /swoon.

A bonus:
My current fave song:
Red Hands by Walk the Earth
Also, how freakin' awesome is this video???

Fashion doesn't agree with me... #7

I don't even have words.

I seriously look like a fly.  That blue/green reflection, big bug eyes.
bbuuzzzzzzzzzz

Really?  Geese?

I'm sure someone in this world is proud to own these.
Obviously, I'm not their friend because the ridicule would never cease.

28 May: No words.

Day 28, Tuesday: Only pictures

I spent my long weekend with Phil (white w/ brown), Miley (white), and Olive (tan).

Personal apple pie with an apple button made of crust in the middle.  /swoon.

I lub this girl.
So much.

You think you can beat me router, but you are WRONG.

27 May: Letter to You..

Day 27, Monday: A letter to your readers

Dear Gentle Readers,

Are you glad that May is almost over?  No more of these incessant blogs posts?  Back to Teh Megan only posting on Thursdays/Fridays/Mondays/Wednesdays (YAY Wednesday sunglasses posts!) random days that end in 'y'??  (Oh btw, apparently the It's Ok Thursday linkup ends at the end of the month, I don't even have word to accurately convey the disappointment of participating in an awesome linkup and then it ending.. or at least nice words)..

I'm a little sad, abet semi-relieved that May is almost over.  For a few reasons:
1.  I don't acknowledge the month of May.  It's not you, May, it's me.  Ok, maybe it is you, I can't be sure, but either way, it's been making scheduling things incredibly difficult since my brain thinks I'm still at the end of April and people are trying to schedule stuff in June, which means that everything is at least a month away.. Except that it's really the end of May and things in June are actually only a few days/weeks away.

2.  I've (miraculously) kept up with blogging every day, but holy moly the pressure!  I feel like the "free time" that I consider my evenings has dwindled slightly due to making sure that blogs are written/scheduled/shared, etc.  Add to that getting out of work later now, lack of time is cramping my evening activities schedule...  Which honestly consists of taking Phil for a walk/run, feeding Phil/Teh Megan, and then watching episodes of The West Wing (I'm almost finished!) while simultaneously writing blogs/checking FB/texting peeps/stuff.  I always tell myself I'll head to bed at 9 and by 10 I'm cursing myself for not doing what I said I would.  Go figure.

3.  Teh Bear is coming for a short visit and to complete step 8 of 8 in June!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Wooooooooooo!!!!  This has been the longest, most stupid, tedious, hiring process of my entire life.  I didn't even have to do all these steps Teh Bear has to join the military or even get a clearance.  Seriously.  I'm surprised they didn't ask him for a blood sample at this point.

4.  There will be a "busy-cation" at the end of June.  I'm planning on dragging Teh Bear with me (if the stars align and maybe I can find a goat for a sacrifice) to NY to visit my yankee relatives and to attend my cousin's wedding.. THENNNNN we'd be road-tripping it to MO to see Teh Sister graduate Army Bootcamp... FYI, she was a high school ROTC Shoremate before she was ever my Battleship.  Then, we'd head back to MD, where Teh Bear would hopefully be relocated to for permanent (or at least until my time in Pax River is complete).  At least that's my plan.  Whatever happens with this job situation really dictates what goes down.  Must start that hunt for a goat now.

5.  One month closer to winter  (ok really, I just needed that 5th item).

So there you have it.  I'm glad you're all here, even gladder (yep, that happened) if you made it this far in the letter.  I'm pretty much a letter master now since I miraculously find stuff to write to Teh Sister 5/7 days of the week.  You're welcome for this obvious display of my skillz.

Fortunately for you, this isn't a letter to Teh Sister, otherwise I'd have to end it in a corny joke.

Meh, I don't even care.  I'll give you the same joke I gave her in her letter today (which is extremely relevant is you've seen the joke on the About Me page:

Q:  What do you call a fish with 13 eyes?
A:  Fiiiiiiiiiiiiish.

Tehehehehehehhehehehehe.
I'm sure I just solidified my readership numbers.

26 May: Some light reading.

Day 26, Sunday: Something you read online. Leave a link and discuss, if you'd like.

If I were to be honest, I would just leave this post blank because about the only things I read online anymore are FB status updates/links shared via FB and blogs that I've subscribed to.  I don't even regularly go to Youtube, Gentle Readers...  I know, I know.. shun me now.

I used to start off each morning by reading "my" webcomics.  Questionable Content, Two Lumps, Real Life, Something Positive, A Softer World, XKCD, Looking for Group, Punch and Pie...  And then I'd move on to Reader.  I've never been one to peruse the daily news sites (since the news is utterly depressing every.single.day.ever.and.always.), I wasn't into reading blogs until I started writing my own, and I wasn't so into WoW that I'd read the guides unless I absolutely was stuck on something.

As time went on, I had less and less time to check my sites each day.  Then I went to GTMO where all my sites wouldn't load at the same time (convenience is key, apparently) due to the internet slowness.  Then in Bahrain, some of the pages were blocked... I pretty much gave it up.  I went and checked the comics every now and then, but eventually just lost track of the story lines and gave up.

Sometimes I think about how I could go digging in the archives of the comics I miss and get caught up, and I think of the blog I should write or the season 9 finale of Grey's I still haven't watched.  I realize that this must be growing up.

25 May: "You are a nice person, though."

Day 25, Saturday: Something someone told you about yourself that you'll never forget (good or bad)

"You are a nice person, though."

It was very hard for me to learn to believe this.  Seriously.  I believed that I was the world's biggest bitch for the longest time.  I mean, I still kinda am, but only when I have to be (I like to think).  I believed that being nice equated to being taken advantage of, so it wasn't my natural state.  I knew that being a mean, angry, bitch meant that people weren't going to mess with me, especially if I was different (which I am).

Also, my parents never stood out as "nice people".  Not that they aren't.  Just that they weren't like the nice mothers or fathers my friends had.  Then after they were divorced, there was nothing nice at all about either of them that I got to hear.  So maybe I was shaped to doubt my niceness.  Maybe niceness isn't inherent to my family?

I also have learned that I'm a lot harder on myself than anyone else is on me and I believe that I'm being way "meaner" than people actually interpret.  I do believe this stemmed from past relationships and how I was made to feel about things that happened.  Isn't love a beautiful thing?  lol.

24 May: Worst Traits about Teh Megan

Day 24, Friday: Your top 3 worst traits

Pffth, I don't have "worst" traits.  Everything about me is awesome, duh. (or so I'd like to believe)

1.  I'm incredibly stubborn.  I think I'm (almost) always right.  Which conveniently leads to #2.

2.  I'm a horrible follower until you prove your leadership is worth respecting.  I usually find faults with other people's leadership.  I find that most people aren't willing to step up and be a leader immediately, so in order to get shit done, I volunteer to lead even if I don't really want to just to keep things moving (think group efforts/team projects/etc).  I am usually not satisfied at other people's leadership if they volunteer to lead because I feel like they aren't doing as good of a job as I could.  It's definitely nothing personal.

3.  My inability to conceal my feelings due to the transparency of my facial gestures.  It's rarely a secret if I'm annoyed at you, unless you aren't looking at me.  If you've said something stupid, one look at my face will let you know I think so.  You have potentially made me angry?  One glance at my face and you'll know it's time for you to walk away... quickly.  Let's just say I don't play poker.  Ever.  That said, there's usually a light behind my eyes when I'm excited and concealing a smile/giggle is almost painful to me.

23 May: Gettin' Schooled.

Day 23, Thursday: Things you've learned that school won't teach you

-No matter how smart you are, you will be judged on your appearance, personality, beliefs, humor, and the ability to handle situations.

-How you treat people makes the biggest difference in how people treat you.

-That feeling when you're competing to finish those 100 multiplication questions or addition questions the fastest NEVER goes away.  And that whispered, "YESSSSSS!" when you finish, will always represent an ultimate satisfaction that few will understand.

-Don't look down, look up.  In elementary school, our hallways were lined with pink tiles every other tile and we were supposed to walk on those.  Which was really hard for me because my legs were so short.  As I grew up, it became hard to keep my steps short enough to make each block.  Because I was always focused on looking down at the blocks to make sure I was "walking right" I taught myself to look down when I walked.  I had to learn to look ahead and eventually trust myself.

-One day, writing won't be painful.  It was only painful then because of having so many requirements when I did it.  Eventually, you'll have to give yourself a word maximum.  Oh, the shame of having too much to say.

-Sometimes, to learn something you have to do it backwards.  Ok, school probably kinda taught me this one, but it was really a byproduct of the curriculum being taught the way it was.  I struggled through the first 3/4 of the school year because we were learning derivatives.  The last quarter of the year we did anti-derivatives.  I went from almost failing every test to getting A's...

-You might have outgrown your crayons, but you never outgrew your creativity and nothing will make you feel more artistic than sitting down with some construction paper, glue, and glitter... and maybe some markers.

-You won't get weeks off of work for holidays/summer break.  Suck it up, Buttercup.

-It doesn't matter if it doesn't match with anything, NEON ANYTHING will always be a solid choice.

-While pizza and fries sounded delicious for lunch when I had a choice, treating my body right means my body treats ME right... and I don't feel like I was poured into my clothes.

-Despite a class ending, you will always be learning something, even if that lesson doesn't come with the title English 101 or Calc 2.

22 May: Ranty McRanterson

Day 22, Wednesday: Rant about something. Get up on your soapbox and tell us how you really feel. (a pet peeve, a current event, a controversial topic, something your husband or roommate or neighbor or boss does that really ticks you off)

-Sharing/posting something on FB doesn't support a cause.  It spams people's news feeds.  Calling your public representative supports a cause.  Get it right.

-Texting is not a form of professional communication.

-Signal lights in vehicles aren't optional.  They are there for your safety AND the safety of others.  Get in the habit of using them.... and don't flip me off I start calling you names for NOT using it.

-If you're gonna dress like that, yes I will be staring at you... and that's not in a good way.  Just because it's hot doesn't mean you have the permission to dress like a slut.

-ARABIC: GET OFF MY FREAKING COMPUTER.  I didn't welcome you in the first place.  I was just trying to be an American girl living overseas and you were all like, "Gee whiz, I do think Teh Megan would just love it if her search results were in squiggles and dots and she couldn't read it.  Also, she loves the right justification.  Weeee!"  I don't love you.  I never loved you.  GO AWAY!

-Being a girl is stupid.  Worrying about shaving my legs and arm pit hair and make up and cute clothes and painted fingernails is just ridiculous.  (Ok, maybe the painted nails part is a wee bit fun.. maybe it will be more fun when I can actually enjoy it).  Oh yeah, having a period.  Ain't nobody got time for that.

-Asking someone when they are having kids is RUDE.  R.U.D.E.  Except if you're my grandmother.  And then it's only excusable by relation.  It's rude in the same way that asking when someone is going to get married is rude or even when someone is due (when they aren't pregnant).  Just because you like the idea doesn't mean it's in someone else's playbook... and MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS.

Fashion doesn't agree with me... #6

These things have to look good on someone..  they have to because.. people.buy.them.

At least these match my shirt?

21 May: Self-promotion

Day 21, Tuesday: A list of links to your favorite posts in your archives

1.  You Can't Fight Country.. Part 1
2.  ID Dilemma.. Part 1
3.  Molesting a roll of bubble wrap.. truth
4.  Gratitude.. I haz it.
5.  Voicing Opinions on NC Amendment One
6.  Autobiography of Teh Megan
7.  Thoughts at the airport.
8.  The childless giving child advice
9.  Tranquil stories

20 May: Communicating the Communication.

Day 20, Monday: Get real. Share something you're struggling with right now.

Last week I went through TAP class.  TAP class = "get out of the Navy" class.  It's a mandatory class that every sailor has to go through (as of late 2011, thank you President Obama (no jk)) to get out of the Navy.  For a week you talk/learn about stresses of transitioning from military to civilian life, how to get a job (resume, searching, networking, etc), to VA (veterans assistance) preference and VA benefits (job, health care, education, etc).  Honestly, it's overwhelming.  Such a big transition is extremely frightening to me because I joined the Navy due to my last transition from college.  Having looked at my resume, I can see why no one wanted to hire me, but whatevs. Live and learn.

When we sat down over the period of 2 days to write resumes, I was overwhelmed.  2 days later, I'm still overwhelmed.  2 weeks from now I'm going to be overwhelmed.  Overwhelmed to the point of almost paralyzing fear.  I'm afraid to open up that word document with my resume in it to try to write those accomplishment bullets because I fear hitting that same wall that I was hitting all week.

Which leads us to the 2nd thing.  I'm pretty sure I struggled with writing my accomplishment statements because this week, work has made me feel like I'm a piece of crap.  Like I'm doing it all wrong because ONE project didn't get done by me.  We won't discuss the fact that it was delegated to me (which made it my fault in the end), despite having no experience on a project like this, not being the subject matter expert, and while simultaneously being overwhelmed by lack of manpower in the office, 10 million other tasks that had to be accomplished because they were time sensitive, and no (apparent) support from those higher than me (other than the good idea fairy officer that wanted this done asking us on the progress almost daily and me being up front with him by telling him that there were bigger things going on that week, and the next week, and the next week).

Nonetheless, it was my fault.  Additionally, despite being TAD (as in having orders to somewhere besides work), there was no boundary or respect for that or me.  Teh Bear and the lady who lead the majority of TAP class this week both said that this lack of boundary happens in the civilian world too.

I guess for me, the difficulty arises when there is no boundary whatsoever.  I understand my boss calling me to pass on imperative information after working hours.  But if it doesn't apply to me until next week?  Save it until I'm there on Monday morning.  Don't text me that my requested day off was cancelled.  My friends text me to hurry my ass up and get in the car when they are waiting on me.  I text people when I'm on my way.  I text Teh Bear when Phil is being cute.  I call and verbally communicate with professional contacts because that's what you do.  Verbal communication leaves almost no doubt because you can clarify right then if something is misunderstood or needs to be figured out.  Text messaging, not so much.  Inflection is lost, immediate response is lost, you're trying to type minimal words because you're on a cell phone using that stupid virtual keyboard.  As a communication major..  IT MATTERS HOW YOU COMMUNICATE YOUR MESSAGE. (sorry /stepoffsoapbox)

I doubt I would take a job where my boss thought it was ok to call me at 10pm and ask me questions when I'd be seeing them within the next 12-24 hours.  There is nothing so important at work that has to be done after everyone leaves because it will still be there tomorrow.  If you don't finish the time sensitive/dead line stuff prior to leaving work and you're not getting the job done, then that's not the job for you.

Which leads me to 2.5.  Having this blog while I'm going to be trying to find a job is petrifying to me since it's public.  I wonder if I should take a hiatus or take Teh Blog down while I'm job searching since cIdad?  Is there something so bad on Teh Blog that a company wouldn't hire me?  What about this exact post where I'm talking about work?

I've googled myself and I'm pretty much a ghost.  There are also several women/girls with my name, which kinda helps my case in a way.  Yet, images from Teh Blog will show up on a google image search and if you're smart enough to dig deep enough, you'd find this page... and I would assume that most HR reps who are involved in the hiring process are smart enough to dig deep enough since it's their job to weed folks out.  Or maybe they'll see that I love taking photos and writing and sharing stories and loving on Phil and volunteering and running in Color Runs.

Now you understand the almost petrifying fear.  There's so many pieces that have to come together to make the situation happen.  Yes, I'm at the baby step stage of this transition, but for me, planning is the hardest part, doing stuff is easy.  I can make appointments and I can file paperwork, but the process of preparation is the hardest for me because of all the unknowns.

The Color Run DC May 2013!

3rd color run.  cha-ching!

I'm not even tired of color running.  Seriously.  I'm addicted.  I think it's something they put in the color packets.. besides the corn starch.

This time it was me, Miss Reflective, Teh Humanitarian, and Teh Korean that went together.  We even saw our former color run partner!

My first RUNICORN sighting at packet pick up.
Also, how about that awesome Reading Rainbow shirt Teh Bear got for me off woot?

Race ready!

Full on ridiculous.

3 of 3 together!

I'm late to jump on the mustache bandwagon, but I can't help it.
I revel in the ridiculous.

Teh Korean and Teh Humanitarian...
..were quite unprepared for the color that was about to happen.

This might be one of my new favorite photos.

RUNICORNS are badass.

So badass that they deserve bunny ears.

Baby's first color run.

Teh Humanitarian is a badass.

First color zone.

I'm sad this was the back of the sign.

Last color zone.

This kinda turned out to be a cool pic.  After the last color zone, my stache fell off my shirt and I was taking a photo of the white space.  I love this necklace, I put it back on when Teh Sister left for bootcamp cause it's got my "big sis" charm.  It also got Miss Reflective in full run to the finish line!

Best background ever... porta-potties.
Our after run colors, pre after party.

Color tosses are AWESOME... and beautiful.

Miss Reflective and I.

Woo!  Color for all!

Or just add a bit of rain/drizzle to The Color Run.

Teh Korean and Teh Humanitarian after they finished!

Miss Reflective's tye-dye hand.

Baby finished the color run!

Teh Korean's hat turned out pretty awesome.

Miss Reflective, Teh Korean, and Teh Humanitarian cheering for some color!

Hayyyy!

The gang!

Who needs fingernail polish?

About to toss some color, but my tye-dye hands were awesome.

Teh Humanitarian getting her groove on.

Miss Reflective (top) and I (bottom) with our super dirty shoes and awesome tutus.

Teh Korean displaying her 'stache.

Teh Gang during a color toss!

Miss Reflective's arm 'stache.

Final color run results!

Everyone loves the taste of corn starch!

Our former Color Run partner found us!

Final colors with a RUNICORN = WIN.