Confessions {5/13}

-If last week's confessions post hadn't already been mostly written, I probably wouldn't have posted.  The struggle was real last Wednesday.  #badblogger

-I believe every individually wrapped chocolate should have a message on the inside like some of the Dove chocolates do.  It makes me feel less guilty about all the calories.  #AreDoveChocolateandDoveSoapMadeByTheSameCompany?

-I'm a huge Renaissance Festival nerd and my absolute favorite act is the Tortuga Twins.  Hands down.  My face ALWAYS hurts after watching any of their shows.  Scaramouche Tortuga (not his real name) writes an "advice" column/blog and one of his recent posts about feminism really struck a chord with me.  Go read it for a laugh and a punch to the gut.  #humormakesthingsbetter

-This link about clothes and body sexualization brought great joy to my life because the struggle is real.  I thought I had written an entire blog post about sexual discrimination and the lack of pockets in women's clothing, but all I can find is a confessions post where I bitched about the lack of pockets in women's dress pants.  I feel like that situation and the situation in the link are pretty much the same (except my post would have been significantly shorter because I like to just get to the point).  #canwegetsomepockets

-Reading that January confession post made me sad.  Some of those issues from January are still a thing AND Mr. Scrooge never set up that iPod.  Can I get a serious fuck him (not literally)?  #canIreturnitandgetmymoneybackstill

-I was thrilled when I walked out of the ob/gyn's office last month and didn't have to pay anything since women's wellness exams are covered under ObamaCare (will we still call it that after 2016?).  THRILLED.  Now, 2 weeks later a received a bill from LabCorp (who I should probably own stock in because holy rapage) for $250 for the test they ran on my junk.  It's like reverse prostitution considering the position I was in when they took that sample.  You are welcome for that mental image, Gentle Readers.  #obamacare #papsmearssuck

-After I paid the $250 LabCorp bill with my debit card, I remembered my HSA account with dollas in it from Company to pay for things like... LabCorp bills...  #Meganfail

-I had to work closely with the Milton the KeyMaster (the new person who I've talked about with the all the keys/cards on her key ring that she wear on her belt loop) yesterday and omg I wanted to slay her.  Just imagine working with Milton, except female.  She kept talking to herself and all I needed was some screenshots and clarification for the directions she gave me.  It took me sitting at her desk watching over her shoulder for over 25 hours before I gave up.  I had enough to generate my document to send to our system architect, who I informed of the situation.  I'm pretty sure he owes me.  I'm also pretty sure he questions why he helped hire her since she's pretty much unable to do the job they need her to do.  #howdosomepeoplebreathe

-I consider myself a very intelligent individual but everything about CAC access and digital certs and signatures makes me want to shake a baby.  It really shouldn't be so difficult.  REALLY.  #getyourshittogetherDoD

-I'm over replays and recaps cutting into my Grey's screentime.  I only get 43 minutes, make that shit good bitches.  Don't waste my time showing me things I've already seen as "memories."  #ImissCristina

-I have these phone/messaging rules that my people never figure out.
1.  Don't text me links.  I hate using my phone browser.  Send that shit via FB message so when I sign on FB on the computer I can look at your links.
2.  Don't expect me to answer between 9pm-6am.
3.  #1 is the most important rule about messaging me.
#therearerulesforareason