UNO
DOS
After giving more thought to posting my weekend review, I gave up. It really wasn't overly interesting but Mike did get taken to the doctor and I was a lazy ass that was in bed at 7pm Friday and 8pm Saturday night, thus securing my #oldladystatus. Granted, I was reading until at least 10pm, but not the point.Saturday wasn't a good day and I'm not airing the dirty laundry on Teh Blog, but it wasn't a good day, which led to the #vaguebook confession on Wednesday. Sunday, I made the trip to NC since a cousin passed away after 10 years of dealing with a heart defect he was born with (he is actually mentioned in the Can't Fight Country posts from a few years ago). Crappy reason to have to go, but it really was awesome getting to see relatives I haven't seen in years. Granted, some of them have FB, so I see them there, but I hadn't seen the cousins that I grew up with in so long I didn't recognize them!
Of the cousins I grew up with (6 of us total, 4 boys 2 girls, and I'm the 2nd oldest (I included my sister in this as well), myself and the youngest cousin are not married/in the process so 2 out of 6. 2 of the attached couples have kids. When Teh Stepmom looked at me and said, "We're ready to have grandbabies as soon as you are." I looked her in the eye and responded, "Well, you should probably go enjoy those babies since I'm not in any hurry. I offer cute granddogs." I don't think she was pleased by that response, but I really don't need any pressure on my (non-existent) reproductive life. In my eyes, that's almost the same as asking when someone is going to have kids. But really though, if she keeps asking, I'm going to start giving her the details of my sex life to stop the comments. Maybe that will make it awkward enough to stop them.
TRES
I really love playing Evil Apples on my phone. I don't really love how it absolutely slays my battery life. Additionally, when you join a game, FOCUS on the game or don't join. I experienced the most painful 2 hour game yesterday because we just couldn't get our shit together and focus on the game.When I got home, I played games with Teh Sister and Teh Utah Specialist and I felt pretty bad for Teh Sister when she won the game, but it bugged out and kicked her from our game and didn't give her the cake she won. If I hadn't needed to focus on cooking dinner and my phone wasn't at 7% battery life, I would have played another game with them so she could get cake. #goodbigsister
A single, focused, quick-ish game of Evil Apples is about 10% of my battery life. Ugh.
QUATRO
After being up last night until midnight heart-to-hearting with Mr. Scrooge about our relationship (plus the additional 15 minutes I spent bawling into a pillow and the 15 minutes it took me to get to sleep with an inability to breathe through my nose), I'm pretty sure I'm about to give up on something I've wanted since 2009 because it's just not possible anymore... I just have to say the words and really that is the worst part, every.single.time.So yeah, there's that. Also, that answers some of the vagueness.
My biggest fear from all this? Not the impending living situation changes/dating/being single/etc.. no no. It's the nagging feeling I've had for a long time that I either accept this relationship for however long it would last (indefinitely was my goal) or be a spinster, which wasn't in my life plan. This is one of THOSE feelings.. just like I had that feeling when I signed up for the give-away last December that I knew I would probably win if I signed up and I did. That fear is disabling and not helping in any way and fear shouldn't stop me from living, but right now, in this moment.. it's crushing me and I can't breathe.
CINCO
Due to all facets of #4 (and the fact that I called Mike's doctor and was informed that the parts to fix Mike haven't arrived yet) I'd really like to go to the gym/run and then go home and shower and nap and snuggle with my dogs and drink (maybe not in that order).
Happy Friday, Gentle Readers.
Linking up with these ladies since it's FFFFRRRRRRIIIIIIDDDDAAAAYYYY!!!!!!!!!
Relationships are so hard. Honestly even though my guy and I have been together for YEARS its still got those moments when I just want to give up and quit. I'm done. I'm fed up. (Today is one of those days) but I stick through. I hope that no matter what happens you do what is best for you. I know the fear can be crushing and that emotionally it is a wreck but you have to remember to look out for you and do what you need to do to reach your end goals. Big hugs from here.
ReplyDelete:(
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry. Especially for the fear. I don't know what's going to happen- but there are lots of great things in life we never see coming. And I really do think that awesome people are just...awesome. And awesome things will eventually circle back to those awesome people. And you are awesome.
And I send you hugs, prayers, and virtual rum until you can feel that awesome again.