Confessions {6/3}

-I wish videos on FB offered captions.  Sometimes I think I'd really enjoy a video, but I don't want to go through the hassle of unmuting the video on FB or putting in my earbuds if I'm at work.. and captions would solve all of these problems.  #imagenius

-I'm a health insurance retard. I blame it on being in the military.  In the military, I show up to the doc and get everything done (the military way, which means maybe by the most incompetent medical "professional" in their class) and then leave.  No bills, no insurance crap (unless you deal with a civilian doctor and all those appointments have to be referred anyways or the ER/urgent care (which I avoided)).  I had to call Coventry last Wednesday to see about going to the doc and I told the lady that I came from Tricare Prime and I'm really lost when it comes to civilian healthcare.  She kinda chuckled at that and went step by step with me to explain that since I have the high deductible plan, I'm pretty much going to pay out of pocket until I meet that deductible.  The $3000 deductible.  Fucking splendid.  She was helpful though, so I'd give her a gold star. #insurancesucks

-Congrats to all those bloggers that I followed that "made it big" and "love free shit."  I know I'm just one person, but when you're trying to sell me something in more than 1 in 5 posts, our relationship is over.  #consumerismsucks  #Iblogforpleasure

-I feel like a drama llama in that I bitch and bitch about being unhappy and I know exactly what I could do to solve the problem, but I don't do it because it's scary and doesn't guarantee my happiness anyways.  #instantgratificationgeneration

-Meri really needs to be shaved which means a trip to Fayettenam, Yurtle really needs her 60k mile maintenance and new tires which means time and dollas, Mike is being fixed which is more dollas (see below for a rant on that situation), and I like to maintain a state of readiness where I could always write a check for the rent.  Despite having a good, solid income, it sometimes feels like it's not enough.  #allthedollas #moneydoesntbuyhappiness #butitmakeslifeeasier

-When I try to think of things I could cut out of my spending habits, nothing really comes to mind except for my random internet purchases throughout the month which usually are things that I've been eying for a long time (lookin' at you medal rack, maxi skirts, and raw threads shirts).  That said, I'm pretty sure I could never do a "no-spend" month. #takemymoney

-I set Suzy2.5 on a stack of sticky notes on my desk so if I get a message, the vibrations of my phone are muted and Suzy isn't grinding against the desk for everyone to hear and be annoyed by.  #consideratecoworker

-I get very confused when social media coordinators of popular companies find my blog and email me asking to essentially write a post about their product.  Looking at you Chobani.  I don't really like yogurt and I cannot tolerate greek yogurt because it's just too thick for me.  But really, HOW did they find ME?  I'm not that big of a blogger...  Later that week I saw someone that had apparently gotten that same email and actually did a post about Chobani... #yogurtisgross #ihatesponsoredblogposts #Idontworkforfree

-First world laziness: Instead of just typing in a long website address, I sometimes search for general terms so I can find a website with the link to the long-address-website.  #energyconservationmaster

-I got a parking ticket downtown Monday night when Teh Granny and I went to dinner at Hyman's (the seafood place that Mr. Scrooge and I visited a few months ago.. and yes it's called Hyman's.. and it's ironically/coincidentally (you choose) a seafood place, all the jokes should be made).  I totally just paid it instead of getting upset about it since we've parked there many, many times before without getting tickets.  #karmaisreal

-I really love Teh Granny as in, #favoriterelativestatus and she's visiting this week and I know she doesn't read this (and if you read this and you talk to her, lets just not mention any this to her, plskthx?) but these things make me scratch my head/cross my eyes in frustration/sigh very loudly/cringe/all of the above:

• Reading every single sign ever when I'm driving down the road.  To include license plates.  Not just the state of the plate but also the actual plate number.  "AZ3-5673, I wonder what that means?" "Georgetown." "Highway 17." "North Charleston." "Interstate 26 West."  I just don't respond until I'm prompted by a repeat question or she says my name.  Also, pointing out every non-wheeled vehicle she sees to include all boats/aircraft.  #PeopleCutOthersForLess #LetMeKnowWhentoRespond
• Her new ability to not be able to get herself anywhere without escort.  I had to straight up tell her no I would not escort her to the interstate from my house because she was a big girl and I was planning on printing out directions and a small map from my house to I-26 for her. #IsThisAnOldPersonThing?
• Her conversational slowness when I'm trying to hurry because I'm at work.  I had to instruct her to find our spare keys to see if there was a house key on either set and she proceeds to describe both sets of keys to me after I told her to put the one with the foam keychain back in the drawer.  No.  I know what they look like, LISTEN, no talkie!  #stoptalkingandlisten!
• Not everything is a secret.  I don't NOT tell people things.  It's just a game I don't play.  I'm a horrible liar, I'm a horrible secret keeper, I accept these things about myself.  I don't do those things because not lying and not keeping secrets makes my life EASIER.  I don't have to keep stories straight or remember who I told what.  #laziusmaximus
• Sometimes she talks with her mouth (extremely) full.  #enoughsaid

-(HUGE rant alert) Mike Wazowski is probably going to cost me half of what I paid for him to get him to actually BE a Ninja 500.  Because right now, he's a Ninja 500 AND a Ninja 250....  You see, what had happened was...

Mr. Scrooge bought Mike new tires because he's awesome.  Then we took Mike the Friday before Memorial Day for a quick tire change because we were planning on doing some rides that weekend since it was an extra day long (you member?), whatever no big deal, we'd pick up Mike on Saturday or Friday night, whatever.  Well, then the new front tire that Mr. Scrooge bought didn't fit the wheel and the axle looked Jerry-rigged, which lead the mechanic to believe it was the wrong wheel for a Ninja 500, and it was actually the size for a Ninja 250.  So fine, I swallow that pill and decide to just fix the wheel and the axle (and the carburetor screws that were falling out) so next time I had to replace the tires, this wouldn't be an issue.  A week later the mechanic calls me and says that the correct wheel and axle won't fit on Mike because accccttttuuallllllllly, Mike's entire front end appears to be for a Ninja 250...  BUT HE COULD FIX IT! (of course he could.)  So then I had to make the decision to swallow the pill to replace the suspension and the brake rotors or some shit/whatever it takes to replace the 250 parts of Franken-Mike so Mike could be a REAL Ninja 500.. ya know for an additional $300 plus labor.  So all said, I paid $2100 for Mike.  I'll be paying almost $1k to make Mike a real boy Ninja 500.  Can I just get a huge FML?  Kthx.  #MamaAintMadeofMoney #neverbuyausedmotorcycle #EVER

-If you haven't seen this Game of Thrones/Coldplay video (below the awesome gif) for Red Nose Day (which I heard OF but know NOTHING about because I don't care about the real world #sorrynotsorry) your life is void of meaning.  Even if you don't watch Game of Thrones, you might still find it slightly amusing.  It's worth the 12 minutes of your life, especially if you are a GoT fan.  #marrymejonsnow

the look on Sam's face.. priceless.

-I call actors by their character names.  It's a thing.  I don't actually care what their real names are.  If I see them performing in something else I still call them by the character name that I remember.  For instance, when I first watched Pirates of the Caribbean and realized that Kiera Knightly was in it, I announced, hey that's the girl from Love Actually!  #yayimdb

-To follow up on that character name thing, I often struggle to remember character names of things I'm reading/watching.  If I'm reading a book I often have to go back and check to see which character I'm reading back.  Looking at you Game of Thrones.... #everyoneisgoingtodie

-Sometimes I wonder if all the side comments/crap in parenthesis I add to some most of my confessions are confusing to my Gentle Readers, but then I just let it go because #IdowhatIwant #youdoyou #sidestoriesareimportant

-Having to reset my router/cable modem every single day to get the internet to semi-work properly is frustrating me to no end and I've asked Mr. Scrooge to call Comcast because I literally get so angry every time I call that I'm afraid they have notes written about me being a bitchy customer and don't actually try to help me.  #yesIresettherouterandmodem #fineIlldoitagaintomakeyouhappy

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