Confessions {8/5}

-When I put in service requests with my property management company, I try to add some humor so I'm not that "bitchy" tenant. #humormakeseverythingbetter #unlessyourenotfunny
Examples:

Me: Freezer issues. I'm getting the most excellent rust flakes in my beverages when I use ice from the dispenser. It's got great flavoring but my guests haven't appreciated it in the same way that I'm pretending to. I haven't died yet from drinking the water, but it still makes me concerned since the cleaning ladies saw mold in the ice maker and I'm assuming that means there was probably mold in other wet areas. I flushed the water pretty thoroughly before I started drinking it, so I'm hoping that helped, time will tell if I get poisoned or not.
Property Manager (PM): I recommend you get some ice trays and a Britta water filter pitcher in order to eliminate the poisoning concern.

Me: Front door dead bolt doesn't lock. I thought it did, it almost does, but doesn't completely engage. Only the door knob locks. Maybe not the most secure thing.
PM: As for the front door, it is most likely swelling from the heat/humidity which is causing the dead bolt to not line up properly.
Me: Regarding the deadbolt, I'd tried pulling the door up/down/side to side, I can't get it to line up at all to lock, in the morning or at night (when the humidity is only 50% which you know, Charleston low). This house really has a water retention problem and should probably go to the doctor and get some diuretics or whatever it is that makes you lose water weight, lol. The front door NOT deadbolting is pretty concerning to me, honestly. I'm a single woman with 2 NOT guard dogs... and my front door doesn't properly lock other than the door handle. It's an uncomfortable feeling.
PM: 1. I love the story format of the issues. 2. I think diuretics could serve as a viable option for the door, but I doubt its medical insurance would cover.
Me: I'll get the diuretics under my insurance! I'm a team player!

-Despite knowing I was out of milk since Friday, it took me until Tuesday to actually go to the store and pick some up. The worst part is that I actually went to the store on Sunday but failed at remembering my dire breakfast situation.  On Monday night, I was debating going to the store or not and since traffic was bad I just wanted to get home.  I got home and realized that I'd again be breakfast-shake-less.  #Ihavenoonetoblamebutmyself

-I finally made the hotel reservation for Teh MD Adult Roomie and I for our triathlon.  I'm feeling quite pleased with myself.  Teh MD Adult Roomie admitted to me that she was going to make the reservation soon if I didn't.  #responsibilitysucks #butIsaidIwoulddoit #andIdid #finally :)

-Mr. Scrooge propositioned me for sexy times the day I brought him to the airport.  He claimed he was full of surprises, but a quick glace at the calendar revealed he was right on time.  It'd been about 45 days since we'd last.. (I'll let you figure this one out, if I don't explicitly say it, Teh Dad can live in a state of denial).  Yeah, I passed on the opportunity.  Mostly because of last Friday and the torment that I went through over him already in the last week.  I need to keep making steps forward, not backward... no matter the temptation.  #resistableproposition  #kthxno

-That said, I did tell him he should join the mile high club (which he refused to do with me btw), whether it was solo or with some sexy businesswoman.  He then made a "joke" about that being an oxymoron and I asked what he meant (knowing full well) and he replied, "Businesswoman."  I then looked directly at him and said, "This is why you can't get laid."  #dontbeasexistdouche #Illgiveittoyoustraighteverytime  (I found it amusing that his seat neighbor was a 60 year old woman, which he informed me of before he took off and I suggested, "Cougar?" and got no response.  At least I'm a team player and want him to get laid.  I even texted his brother and asked for him to please get Mr. Scrooge laid before he came back to Charleston.)

-That same day, Ginger Beard informed me that his parents had asked if I wanted to have dinner with his family on Friday and that I was allowed to say no for ANY reason.  I tossed that hot potato back at him with a quickness and told him that it's his family and I didn't have plans, but if for the sake of awkwardness if he preferred I didn't go, I was ok with whatever decision HE made.  We came to the decision together that I'd go and nothing could be more awkward than what happened on Saturday night (keep reading).  #potentiallyawkward #justkidding #definitelygoingtobeawkward

-While the chicken kebabs were finishing on the grill, Ginger Beard noticed his neighbors outside that he'd never met before and the neighbors came over to say hi.  I'm not really good with neighbors (which Mr. Scrooge pointed out to me several times) so I just manned the grill while he chatted with them.  At the point when it came to introduce me, he started, "This is Megan, uhh she's..."  At which point I just looked up and and said, "I'm Megan and I'm new."  Didn't even miss a beat.  #likeaboss #wasthatawkward #oopsmybad #QueenoftheAwkward

-I SLAYED my FB friend list.  I mean just absolutely slaughtered it.  You don't comment/like my shit? Unfriend.  You knew me for 6 months or less and never talk to me?  Unfriend.  We went to high school together and never, ever, ever (and possibly never did) talk?  Unfriend.  Your posts are stupid?  Unfriend.  I've hidden you from my feed for whatever reason?  Unfriend.  We are only friends because "networking" purposes?  That's what Linkedin is for, unfriend.

I unfriended so many people that the word "friend" started to look misspelled on FB.  I think the before count was ~320 friends down to 150.  Serious business.  Honestly, my feed is super boring now, but I don't feel like a mabillionty people know things about my life that they don't really need to anymore, so that's a positive.  There are some people that I left on there that will prob get cut in the near future. So if we're FB friends and you made the cut, congrats, and if you didn't.. Well.. #sorrynotsorry

-The grocery store I went to on Tuesday was pretty much in the ghetto.  #poorlifechoice  I didn't think it would be THAT bad, but so many items were out of stock and the produce was... just no.  I needed celery and there were 6 bunches and they were all like rubber and dried out.  I also found WAY expired items in the cooler.  I think I was spoiled by the grocery stores near the old house.  The worst part is that now I have to make the commitment to either go to the commissary (which means shitty traffic and closed on Mondays) or a grocery store further down the interstate (which means extremely shitty traffic).  The only reason I went to this grocery store was because I had 2 coupons for $10 off a $50 purchase.  Because half of the items on my list were out of stock or bad, I didn't meet the minimum so I gave 1 coupon to the lady behind me and one to the cashier and told her to let someone else apply it to their order.  Yep, won't be going back there.. EVER.  #motivatedbylaziness #andIhadacoupon #lessonlearned

-Ginger Beard is coming over for dinner on Thursday night.  It's not like he's not been to my house before, but I'm semi-nervous this time around.  If all else fails, I'll pull out my complete Calvin & Hobbes set and set him to reading that since he was super awed by it last time.  Also, what if dinner is horrible (beef stew in the crockpot)?  It was a running, not joke, joke when I was growing up that I needed to find someone who could cook.  This could be the evidence as to why it was #jknotreally my entire childhood.  #thiscouldbebad

-I pride myself on being able to type faster than google can make suggestions for what I'm typing.  #speedytyper

-When I update software and then it checks for updates immediately after and finds none, I get irrationally angry.  #redundancymakesmerage

-Dear Pinterest, If I've pinned it, it's kinda redundant to suggest it to me as a "picked for you."  Obviously I liked it, I pinned it.  #SmartTechnologyisStupidSometimes

Linking up with:
Life with Lolo
Hodges Podge