Confessions {6/28}

-I had a meltdown Monday night over life.  Ok, really it was because of my crutches, but it was a perfect storm and there were ugly tears.  I was trying to do laundry and the hamper needed to go back to the closet but I was trying to use 2 crutches (because rules) and it's hard to drag something while holding 2 crutches.  But the real problem was that I had undressed to put my clothes in the washer and I put my hip brace in the hamper and then the hamper fell over and when I was trying to pick it up, I dropped one of the crutches.  I managed to get the crutch and put the hamper upright again, and then the mother fucking crutch fell again and I lost my shit.  "AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!  I FUCKING HATE THESE GOD DAMNED CRUTCHES!!!!!"  Pax was so scared that he didn't know what to do with himself because he thought he was in trouble (#newdogproblems).  I stood there, naked in flip flops, with one crutch under my arm, one crutch and the hamper fallen over on the ground, sobbing.  Teh German was just as skeptical as Pax, but eventually, I heard him walk over and he handed my my missing crutch and hugged me.

I know the countdown to crutches is dwindling, but seriously, I'm over the fucking crutches and being helpless.  Teh German asked if this was better than the pain that I was having before and I admitted that yes, it is, since it's a means to an end, but I am over ALL of it.  I am over the hip pain then the surgery pain and now the recovery pain and the mother fucking crutches which are always banging on things and getting in the way and falling over and not being able to do physical activities.  Next time someone tries to give me crutches, I'm asking for a walker because at least that stupid thing can stand on it's own... and I can put tennis balls on it and be like Mr. Fredricksen from Up.

-I have a coupon code for $45 off groceries if I use Instacart to deliver my groceries, which is great for someone who can't drive.. Except that when you add in the service charge and the delivery tip and the fact that you aren't shopping sales prices and everything seems to have the price a little bit inflated on the website, it's like I'm not saving anything other than my effort.  At this point, I'd rather just go get my groceries myself and save myself the hassle of not being able to pick exact items that I want.  #alwaysincontrol

-Just kidding.  I placed an order with Walmart Grocery and I'll just go pick my items up since there was minimal produce.  I'll put away the cold stuff and then have Teh German help me bring in/put away all the other stuff.  #convenienceiscritical

-I put a christmas tree smelling air freshener in the living room and I love that it smells like christmas tree in my house.

-There are days that I don't shower because I have a very hard time stepping away from the computer for work once I've sat down, even if I'm not actually doing work.  #admittingmyfaults

-After my PT appointment on Monday, Teh German and I went by Shoe Carnival so Teh German could find some new shoes.  I'm glad to see these babies hit retirement because they are falling apart...

-Roomy the Roomba gets stuck in the stupidest places and it makes me want to drop him down the stairs.  Also, WHY must he bang into my chair/the couch over and over?  PS. I know there are ways to make him not go to places.  I keep trying to talk Teh German into programming him to run overnight, but he keeps saying no.  Maybe I'll just reprogram him myself.  Teh German won't notice anyway, he sleeps like the dead.  The real concern is Meri hearing Roomy banging around and she'll start barking at it in the middle of the night thinking we have an intruder.  She's only a guard dog when she's unable to escape the space she is in to find out who the visitors are..  #RobotVacuumLife

-Oh yes, I'd love to PAY to defer my payments.  Are there people really this fucking stupid to take "advantage" of this offer?  Ya know what, I'd rather not know.  My next payment for Bagheera is due in 2020 but I know that I'll be closing that loan out by the end of the year with another large payment.  #makeitrain

-TVs at gas pumps make me irrationally angry.  If I wanted to be talked at during this inconvenient time of my life, I would have left the radio on or chatted up the person on the other side of the pump.  #STFU #IDoNotNeedaScreentoEntertainMyself

-Meri wanted to sleep on the bed with us last night which was strange.  Makes me wonder if my girl is not feeling well.  I'll be keeping an eye on her today.  #SickBabiesWanttoSnuggle

-I have a list of things to do that I haven't accomplished anything on in over a week.  #Unmotivated

-I've started walking around without crutches.  Just short distances like from the stove to the fridge or from our bathroom to the closet, but I feel like this is probably better than just stopping using my crutches all at once.  #weaningmyself

-I changed my Walmart Grocery order no less than 5 times after placing the original order.  #notsorry

-Sometimes I put forth effort towards dinner to make up for all the times I DNGAF.  Last night was meatloaf with mashed potatoes and green beans, from scratch.

-The juices from the meatloaf ran over while it was cooking last night and now I have to clean my oven and it makes me want to violence something.  How well does self-clean actually work?  HOW does self-clean work?  We also have a steam clean option.  Maybe I should just read the instruction manual to the oven that I hate with all of my being. 

-I've really been wanting sweets lately.  Like a lot.  like all the Oreos and ice cream and brownies and smores and cookies and none of those things keep me in my "perfect" state... #MeganProblems

-I bought all the ingredients and made a shower spray last week.  It leaves streaks in my shower and we still have to squeegee.  I hate everything.