It's Ok #2

I'm already makin' changes...  I think instead of It's Ok Wednesday.. It's just going to be Brain Dump Wednesday around here.  Mostly because I'm trained in the way of confessions and It's Ok was limiting me a bit too much for my liking...  #myblogmyrules




-It's ok...that I realized that many businesses have super sales in the summer to encourage people to buy shit.  Summertime is often for vacation and people realize they need to start saving for Christmas shopping.  Sales = more people shopping.

-It's ok... to make fun of people who park like assholes.  Especially if they do it in the parking spots closest to the entrance.  This situation was so obvious that the driver was either blind or purposely did not give a fuck.  #Ihateeveryone

-It's ok...to be angry at people for self-harm or committing suicide.  Heath Ledger, Chester Bennington, Robin Williams...  I'm pissed at all of you.

-It's ok...that most of my clothes make me look like I am way larger than I actually am.  People are going to think I'm suuuuuper skinny in my wedding dress!

-It's ok...that I refuse to pay someone a mabillionty dollhairs to do my hair and makeup for the wedding.  Looking at different websites so far I'd pay anywhere from $250-$500 for a trial run and the day of make up and hair.  YOU GUYS, I DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT HAIR AND MAKEUP.  SERIOUSLY.

-It's ok...that I had a hard time picking out a collar for Pax.  In my mind, all the big collars I have are "Phil's".  I'm even struggling with the holiday ones.  I feel a little bit of guilt that Pax is wearing Phil's "gentleman" collar, but Phil isn't using them and I paid good money for those collars and they should get worn.
TL;DR: Grief is complicated.

-It's ok...  that I got frustrated with Teh German on Sunday night.  I was exhausted and I didn't sit down other than for dinner until 8pm.  Even after I did the dishes for him, he didn't bother to offer to help me clean up after dinner or with the laundry.  I felt he was being extremely selfish and my struggle was real.

-It's ok... that I took a lorzapam on Sunday night because I was so angry and Teh German and I were having a silence off (different than the silent treatment because in a silence off, you don't want to be the first one to break the silence by having to point out the obvious (that you're angry) or you don't want to ask what is wrong (because you know you caused it)) and I wasn't going to get to sleep with any promptness without the aid of medicine.

-It's ok... that the lorzapam gave me the IDGAFs all day on Monday.

-It's ok... that I have to make a goals list and mark things off the list as I go to actually accomplish things.  Everything swimming in my head is ineffective.

-It's ok... that I can't eat just one Reese's Cup.

Gluten free = healthy, right?

-It's ok... that I am tempted to go down to the pizza place and buy one of those delicious brownies.. every.single.day.

-I confess that I find it disgusting when people cut their fingernails at work... Except that I clean out under my fingernails regularly with the clippers I keep on my desk.  Equally nasty, but without the sound.

-I confess that sometimes my associations with things are a wee bit distant which means that other people don't often make the connection.. Like when I sent Teh WJL this photo of my Kindle earlier this week because I knew the dude was from Saved By the Bell...

-I confess that I don't really want to keep paying $45 per dance lesson.  Butttt, I really want to have a not prom-dance first dance, so I'll stick with it.

-I confess that I requested for another estimate for a screened in porch.  This time I'll have our plot in hand so the estimator can look at it and see if we can get around this easement issue that is 4 ft from our back door.  Seriously.  It's killing my juju to hear how badly Teh German wants a screened in porch and we don't have one.  It may also kill our wallets but it is the ONE thing Teh German would like to do to the house on the outside and I agree that it would be awesome.

-It's ok... to encourage a 10 year old to "run" with the dogs to drain both their energy stores.

-It's ok... that I started my commute to work and hit traffic within 5 minutes of leaving home and turned my ass around to telework for the morning because #aintnobodygottimefordat

-It's ok... that my library books expired before I could finish them.  Except that I was 2 hours from the end of my audiobook and that's kind of a bummer really.  But I requested them again and I will finish them.  In the meantime, I started Beartown.shop

-It's ok... to take selfies at the doctor's office for blogging purposes.

Despite that face, I was actually at the dermatologist, not the dentist.