So we did a thing... and so many things went wrong.

A selfie with the dogs at midnight:30?  OF FUCKING COURSE.  Would you really expect anything less?  Nope.  So, you're welcome.

So I mentioned in my week review post that wedding things went quite horribly.  Obviously, this is from the perspective of someone who knew exactly how everything should be.  I've talked to several people that said they didn't even realize things were going "badly"...  Because ya'll, I'm good at keeping my shit together.  Crazy good.

I didn't even let Teh Mom get under my skin, when she was trying her damnedest.  She even got to Teh Sister and I just had no reaction for her except for one snarky comment back as we were walking across the yard to walk down the aisle.  Truthfully, I have no idea how it happened because I also happened to start my period on Tuesday or some other inconvenient day before the wedding.

Let's just walk through the day, shall we?
PS.  All the photos from this point to the end are by wedding guests, but probably Teh WJL, or selfies that I took.  

Hair and makeup went fine... except by the end of the night, my face was having another reaction to whatever had been on my skin all day.  EXACTLY the same reaction as I had when I did bridal portraits.. turns out, I'm not just allergic to the equate makeup wipes, but probably either the lip stuff or the airbrush makeup, but I'm only sensitive around my mouth and nose.  Fantastic.  Oh yeah, the next morning, Teh German had something on his lip which he tried to swear was herpaderp so I gave him a dose of my Valtrex (Dr. Megan to the rescue!) and told him it probably wasn't herpaderp (I was right).  Soooo essentially, we both had a reaction to something that was on my face.  The chemical peel for the week after the wedding was exactly as delightful as you'd imagine and Teh German got to find out that he always has those white dots on his lips and they are NOT herpaderp.  Paranoid Husband.

Back to wedding day..
We made it to the venue on time, even with stopping at Wendy's for lunch.  I knew better than to just eat snacks and I didn't want Hangry Megan to make an appearance, so I just had lunch AND snacks.  It was wedding day.  #TREATYOSELF

Things were going well.  I recorded a video for Teh German before the wedding which was pretty sweet but I couldn't get the audio to work.  After 3 times of recording it, I gave up and had Teh Running Bestie deliver it to him and let him figure out the audio problem.  I headed upstairs to the reception area and had a chat with the wedding planner, who told me that the moss she had planned to use was staining the linens so she wasn't going to use it.  I figured that the other things we had discussed would still be there, so I wasn't worried. 

I headed back downstairs and got dressed and Teh WJL, Teh Sister, and Teh Running Bestie took shifts to button my dress.  Lacy (my dress) had a LOT of buttons.  Which, ya know, didn't really affect me since I just had to stand there while someone else did all the work.  I texted Teh Mom to see when she was going to arrive, but she didn't answer until too late to get a chance to button my dress.  /shrug

After I was dressed and Nick got some pics, Nick and his assistant, Nikette (sp?), set up the first look.  Teh German was waiting outside under the big tree and I was super pumped to finally let him see me in all my bridal glory.  Have I mentioned that Teh German is a sap?  Because he is and I loved every minute of it.  After our first look, family arrived and Teh Running Bestie coordinated people and photos while Teh Sister helped me repair my sash that was falling off.  Apparently, the tailor barely tacked it on and didn't leave any wiggle room, so the tacks popped as I was moving around.  THEN the decoration stuff on the sash started to come unglued as well, so Teh Sister pretty much just glued me back together and I headed back outside to join in on the family pictures.

After pictures were over, the wedding planner met me in the yard to tell me that she needed to leave to go get something and it would take her at least 30-45 minutes.  I was chill about it.  NBD.  I didn't ask what it was, I just trusted her to get whatever it was taken care of.

After photos, we did an impromptu photo session on the playground across the street.  It was super fun and all the children staring at us made me laugh.  I don't know if they will be the best photos, but they were fun, nonetheless.  Afterwards, we headed inside to wait until go time since guests were starting to arrive.  Apparently, at one point we had a ceremony time of 4pm on the website and people didn't check it again after that.

While we were waiting, Teh Mom was being so _______ (adjective needed because I don't have an accurate one to describe it) that everyone was asking WTF was wrong with her.  Not just friends and family, but also the wedding planner, the photographer, and the officiant.  #goodtimes  Teh German and I did take the opportunity to practice our first dance while we were waiting for it to be time.  I'm glad we did.  It was nice to be able to have some time to ourselves without everyone else around and to feel confident that we were going to do the dance well.

Eventually, it was ceremony time and everyone got lined up and went outside with the exception of myself.  Teh Dad thought he was going to be a cool dude and wear sunglasses and I shut that shit down quick because if I can't wear sunglasses, ain't nobody wearing sunglasses.  Same thing for Teh Mom.. and instead of leaving their sunglasses at their seat, they both carried them down the aisle.  #whatever

While I had been waiting to head towards the ceremony, I learned that the wedding planner had only hired one assistant to help her with our wedding and this assistant told me all about her life drama rather than notice things like... my missing bouquet.  Eventually, it was time to present myself to our guests.

There was some drama when Teh Mom said something and I couldn't tell if she was being a smart ass or not and she had to clarify that she was being genuine and I had to say I couldn't tell.  By that point, we were pretty much to the aisle and there was Teh German and I no more fucks to give about anything else.

I won't lie, I don't remember much of the ceremony.  I had read the ceremony that Teh Builder had written more than once, but I was just thinking, "Let's get to the part with the vows already!"  I was patient enough and we did eventually make it there.  Teh German got super choked up and I just wanted to hug him and I wasn't sure if that was allowed and then I didn't care anymore and kissed him on the cheek and he finally was able to read his vows.  Apparently, Teh German was the first person to ever make Teh Builder choke up.  I finally got to read my vows.  Oh yeah, I should mention that I was doing commentary throughout the entire ceremony.  #notsorry  When we did our glass unity ceremony, Teh German accidentally spilled nibs (the technical name for the little pieces of glass) and I cackled.  I did try to put them back in his container, but it was glass and they were small and I didn't want to cut myself.  Right before the ceremony was over I realized that I didn't have my bouquet.  Nonetheless, we made it work and we exchanged rings and we got to walk down the aisle as husband and wife.

Instead of doing classic wedding music choices, we tried to pick applicable/fun songs (full playlist linked).  We rearranged the song order several times to get it perfect, but it honestly didn't take long and it was one of the easier part of decisions Teh German and I made together.

Seating music/parents being seated: Appalachia Waltz
I had picked out this song for something wedding in 2006 when I was engaged to Ex-Fiance, but obviously that didn't work out, but I had kept this song in the back of my mind for all these years so it was an easy pick.



My entrance song: Come to Me by Goo Goo Dolls
It's Goo Goo Dolls, it's a song he wrote before he married his wife, I love the meaning to this song.


Recessional Song: Good Day for Marrying You by Dave Barnes


Our reception entrance song: I So by Beatsteaks
This was a song Teh German suggested and I was pumped to use it and actually let him listen to the above song, even though I was trying to save it until wedding day to use it to wake him up.


Our first dance: Something Just Like This (No Riddem Trap City Remix) by The Chainsmokers and Coldplay
Despite dance lessons, I'm still not tired of this song.  We may not have perfectly nailed our routine, but it was close enough and that was perfect for both of us and that was all that mattered to me.

Father-Daughter dance: Butterfly Kisses by Bob Carlisle
This is another song that I've had picked out for all my life essentially.  I serenaded Teh Dad while he made gave me motion sickness by turning us in a circle and swaying back and forth for 5 minutes.


Mother-Son dance: 93 Million Miles by Jason Mraz
After Teh German selected too many incestuous sounding songs, I finally did some research and suggested this one and he gave it the ok.  Mama G seemed to enjoy the song and maybe even knew some of the words and she seemed very happy dancing with Teh German.


Mother-Daughter dance: You're Gonna Be by Reba McEntire
I had wanted to have this song played as a fast song break, but apparently Teh Mom thought it was a showcase.



Cake cutting song: This is Why I Need You by Jesse Ruben
This song went back to my vows when I told Teh German, "I promise to need you."



Immediately after the ceremony, we headed to the bridal suite to Skype with Germans/Auntie P.  Auntie P had actually recorded a video from Opa and sent it to us earlier in the day and it made me cry, so we kind of assumed he wouldn't be on the Skype date.  Nonetheless, Auntie P was excited to chat with us for a few minutes since she wasn't able to make it to the wedding.  After we Skyped, we signed the marriage license (because that's important and it's often overlooked), then Timo and I took a few minutes to ourselves.  I asked Teh German if he wanted to practice the dance again and he said no.  At which point, the photographer came in and suggested taking some sunset pictures.  It was this point that Teh German remembered the audio recorder in his pocket that we had turned on at the beginning of the ceremony.  He turned it off and we headed outside for a bug infested photo shoot.

Despite being (literally) covered in bugs, we were still laughing and having a good time.  Since Nick had shot weddings at Alhambra Hall before, I trusted him to know the best locations for photos.  Once we finished hanging out in the swamp, we headed towards the Hall to join the reception.  2 things happened.

1.  Our wedding planner came out and announced that we were almost out of wine.  We had guessed that the guests would go for the beer first, then the wine, but that was not the case.  She offered to go get more wine and we agreed that she should do that.
2.  When we got up the stairs, Mama G popped her head out and asked us to wait 2 more minutes to enter.  I was mildly irritated, I won't lie.  I was excited about going in and hanging out and eating.  But it was totally worth it.

Someone had purchased streamers and they shot them off as we entered and it was such an awesome surprise and seriously one of my top memories of the day.  I twisted myself up in the streamers and it was awesome.

After our entrance, we sat down to eat and then I started to notice things, which led to a downward linear trend of my satisfaction with the people I had hired to take care of things for wedding day.

There were no blue napkins at our tables.  When someone delivered my plate of food, things I didn't like were on it (which no one had asked me about, but that would have been nice) and things were missing.  Additionally, I had requested "fancy" plastic plates (the kind that you question if you should wash them or toss them), and I noticed that everyone was eating off thick paper plates.  Then as I started to eat, I noticed that I had a plastic silver knife and a plastic white fork.  I remember discussing with our wedding planner having "fancy" plastic silverware as well.  Teh German and I had discussing having a budget-friendly wedding without looking cheap and I felt like things were looking cheaper and cheaper.

Once we finished eating, which was mostly interrupted by people coming up to offer their congratulations and chat, we took to the dance floor for our first dance.  We messed up in one place, but we recovered with no issues and we were proud of a job well done when it was over.  Then it was the father-daughter dance, then mother-son dance, then the DJ played a German song to start off the dance party.  It was awesome because so many people were on the dance floor! 

We danced for a bit and eventually it was time for the cake cutting.  We didn't do cake smearing, which was fine with me.  We fed each other off white plastic forks and I wanted to die a little, but ya know, it's just stupid details.  Clear would have been preferable over white since silver didn't happen.. No matter.

At some point I noticed that none of our tables had succulents on them as I had discussed with the wedding planner, which only served to make me more angry since my bouquet also didn't have any succulents like we had discussed.  But the wedding planner had found some very pretty purple orchids.  Trade off?  IDK.  There was a really awkward, fake looking succulent on the cake which I had specifically requested.  As I looked around, I noticed more and more things that were missing.

I had arranged for a lady who made macrame decorations to create some decorations and she wanted professional photos in exchange for her services and I was pleased to work with her.  NO macrame was anywhere to be seen.

The wedding planner had said that she would put greenery around the windows that I had brought as decorations (btw, if I hadn't brought them, we would have had NO decorations other than sticks on the tables and the signs I had printed out) and that hadn't happened.  We had discussed a crate set up for cupcake display, there was a SINGLE crate, nothing like the photo she had shown me when we had the discussion.  Also, the wedding planner talked me down from ordering "too many" cupcakes and we definitely had people eating cake by the end of the night since all the cupcakes were gone.  Not that this was an issue, but it just seemed odd to me and I would have rather had cupcakes to take home than run out of cupcakes... that we so fucking delicious.

In fact, we had soooo many compliments about the cupcakes.  I think, by far, our best vendors was our baker and the photographer.  I didn't get to interact with the Willie Jewell's staff to know how they were, and I know we had pretty much the perfect amount of food since there was one pan of leftovers with sausage and sides after the caterers had packed up and left.  I have no idea what happened to it.

The DJ didn't seem to be into playing the songs that I had requested.  Eventually, Teh SC German took over the DJ's job and was playing music from YouTube that we were asking for.  For example, I asked for Chandelier by Sia at least 2 times and others had asked for it, and the DJ was NOT playing it.  Someone asked for an explicit song and they had to come ask us for permission to play it, even though I had said that explicit songs were fine on the form I had filled out with our important and requested songs.  When I asked for the Cupid Shuffle, she played some remix that no one knew.  No.  Just play the boring shit that you're tired of hearing that we hear at every other wedding.  Not an 8 minute remix that goes on forever and makes everyone exhausted.  I know she definitely didn't play a few songs that I had put on my MUST play list, to include Dare You to Move by Switchfoot for Teh WJL and I to have a singalong to.

Instead of a bouquet toss and garter toss, we opted to do the shoe game where Teh German and I answer questions about ourselves and answer with shoes.  It's cheesy and become super popular recently, but I think it was fun for us and our guests and way less awkward than a bouquet toss to single out single ladies (of which there were very few in attendance).

I think the turning point of my positivity and trying to ignore all the problems was when I was handed a toasting glass by someone and noticed that it had wine in it.  Ya'll.  WINE.  Let me tell you about one of the things I made perfectly clear to my wedding coordinator... I HATE wine.  Teh German and I thanked our guests for coming.  There wasn't really any opportunity for toasts for multiple reasons.

1.  Papa G had told us that if he said anything, it would be at the rehearsal lunch and then he told us that day that he didn't want to say anything.  Done.
2.  Teh Dad wasn't allowed to say anything unless I vetted what he was going to say.  After the shit show debacle that happened at Teh Sister's wedding, I didn't trust him not to say some stupid shit that embarrassed me, Teh German, or my Sister again.
3.  No one else had said anything about giving a toast, so we just didn't have them.

I spoke in English thanking our guests and Teh German took the German translation and ended it by choking up again, which was again, super adorable.  When it got awkward, Teh Running Bestie came in for a home run and led a toast to us, at which point I had a sip of that nasty ass wine in the toasting glass, because I didn't want to be an asshole and it was fucking disgusting and Nick showed me the photo he got of my face after tasting the wine.  It was obviously unpleasant.  VERY unpleasant.  The extra irritating thing is that the assistant had seen me pouring my own beverages and I assured her that it was liquor only since I didn't drink anything we were serving to our guests.  So I have no idea whose good idea it was to give me wine instead of something from the cup that I had been drinking from or even water, but whoever handed me wine needs to DIAF.

Germans are notorious for closing a party down and I was starting to worry about losing deposit money because they were NOT leaving.  I was finally able to strong suggest they wait on their Lyft ride outside so that way the wedding planner and her assistant could finish cleaning up before midnight.  The DJ had packed up around 10.  We didn't have a formal send off, so our guests had left when they felt like it.

Teh WJL and Teh Sister and Teh Running Bestie had cleaned up the bridal and groom suites and packed up the cars.  Teh WJL had driven Yurtle home for me, while our chauffeur, Teh Running Bestie, had been waiting on us.  When the Lyft driver finally showed up, I warned him that his passengers were drunk Germans and he actually spoke German!  It was an awesome end to the night.

Teh Running Bestie delivered us home and then she headed to Roux's house (where she was staying).  Teh German and I were exhausted, but I made sure to get a family selfie and Teh German had actually not had that many beers, which made getting out of my dress much easier.  I, also, hadn't really had that much to drink, so we were mostly sober when we crawled into bed as newlyweds.

The End.

TL;DR

This is the shit that (I noticed) went wrong on the day of the wedding:

-My sash started coming off.  I didn't bring a sewing kit because I'm the worst bride ever.  We used hot glue to get my sash to stay on.  It worked just fine.

-Wedding planner had to leave 1.5 hours before the ceremony because she forgot something, she was gone for "30-45 minutes" but probably more like 45 mins to an hour based on Charleston traffic and where she was going.

-People arrived super early because they didn't check the website since it was created.  I didn't even think of this being an issue.  I had completely forgot that the website had even said the ceremony started at 4 since the invitations said 5. 

-Teh Mom was acting "out"?  Idk, seriously I can't come up with a suitable adjective for the behavior we all had to endure until she got drunk at the reception.

-Teh Mom and Teh Dad wanting to wear sunglasses down the aisle.  If I'm suffering, everyone is suffering.  #DONOTCURR

-I didn't have my bouquet for the ceremony, and the assistant didn't remind me... but she did tell me her life's story while we waited for people to be seated.

-We were almost out of wine around 6:15.  Wedding planner had to leave (again) to get more.

-Mismatched eating utensils.

-Missing vendors (macrame lady)

-Missing colored napkins

-Missing "fancy" plates.

-Missing decorations and no succulents anywhere, which is the ONE flower I had actually requested.  Correction: There was A succulent on the cake and it was horrible.

-I had to respond to my photographer's emails on wedding morning telling him WHEN to be at the venue since Wedding Coordinator hadn't bothered to email any of our vendors to tell them when/where to be where they needed to be.

-I had been told that guests could bring their own alcohol as long as it was left behind the bar.  Cool.  So Teh Sister brought a bottle of wine, but there was no wine opener to open it! 

-There had been discussion of boutineers/corsages for the parents/grandparents but nary a flower was on any parent that I saw.

-The DJ didn't play songs that I had listed as "required to play" despite telling me that she would acquire whatever music I wanted her to play.  She also played remixes of popular songs that people were wanting to hear/dance to and it was miserable.

-The audio recorder was complicated and didn't record ANY of our ceremony.  There was 8 seconds of audio which was Teh German turning the recorder on accidentally after the ceremony when we thought he was turning it off.  #operatorerror #Ionlyhavemyselftoblame
PS.  We are super lucky because Teh PT Wife was recording the vows and you can hear us on her copy!  YAY!

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My real problem with all of these things is that many of the details that were missing were things I had already paid for, which makes me a little stabby, since I do not like to waste dollas on shit I don't get to see (unless it's a race where I can consider those monies donated to charity).  If I did it over again, I wouldn't have hired our wedding coordinator.  I would have hired a day of coordinator and dealt with all the details myself since I was mostly already doing that.  I would have also just paid for another DJ instead of trading services with her.  Other than her not playing my songs and playing mixes, she was great and provided uplighting and a photobooth backdrop and some props.

I would have ensured that I sent out an email to ALL the vendors with a timeline to let them know where to be and when instead of relying on someone else to do it for me (which obviously didn't happen). 

But at the end of the day, we got married.  I got to finally read my vows to Teh German and vice versa and that was the most important thing to me.  Eventually, none of these stupid details won't matter and I won't care about the money lost... But today is not that day.