Five on Friday #149

EINS - Random Shit

-We are going to mulch the backyard and it's like... annoying AF.  Because not only do I need to find someone to deliver wood chips to us, apparently we also have to kill the weeds under the mulch, per Teh German.  UGHHH.  In good news, we've already started a collection of card board from the pergola.

-This:

-I actually linked up with the SUYB link up this month (like the winner I am).  Don't worry, I was as surprised as you were.

-I'm trying to plan out my book schedule for honeymoon.  I need to acquire enough audiobook and ebook options to keep me entertained for 2 weeks.  I'm not counting on having wifi access once we leave the US on principle.  I know we will have wifi in Sydney, but we won't before we leave for our dive trip, so I need to have my book situation straightened out before we depart.  #MeganProblems

-I might be stressed.  I keep shopping.  It's really not helping.

-I have had 2 tasks to do this week and haven't done either.  I'm not interested in either.  And when my Thursday call accidentally ended itself (for reasons I'm still not sure of since I wasn't touching my phone), I had zero fucks to give about it.

-Faaaaccckkk this was hilarious to me this morning:

I realized after some hilarity and confusion that the poster meant DOG...
But now I think I've just started calling Pax and Meri dongs on principle.
#MomOfTheYear

-I can't find an ebook I want to read between now and honeymoon time, which means I'm probably going to start reading honeymoon books early.  #YOLO.

-I bought bathing suits.  A few of them.  2 came in yesterday and I'm waiting to see the others before I make a final determination.

-I'm still fighting with Lowe's about this fucking range.  Seriously.  A coworker suggested loading up the current range on the truck and taking it back and getting our money back.. except that I got the best deal from Lowe's which is why I got it there to begin with.  I've never been disappointed by Lowe's before so I didn't expect this fucking shit show.  I'm just at my wits end and I'm not sure what to do and I should have just told the manager I spoke with on Wednesday to give me a 50% discount on the range and I'd keep it.  I know 50% is not reasonable, which is why I started with that after he tried to offer me 25%.  I love this range so much and it makes me sad that it's been such a debacle.  Maybe if I let an angry German handle the situation it would be resolved quicker?  I've been trying to be nice and patient throughout the whole ordeal but I'm finally starting to lose my cool and I've felt the asshole seeping out with each person I speak to, but I can not longer hold myself back.

ZWEI - Money Shit

Holy Lawd the money I have spent....  I'm afraid to even open up my $$ sites to check the balances.  Honeymoon prep is hard.

Teh German and I had a "sit-down, let's have a serious conversation about money" chat, which we hadn't done in a while, so I knew it was bound to happen soon.  We have agreed that our goal is to always have extra.  I'd say we live pretty lavishly, but we do not live beyond our means, which is our most important money rule.  Teh German struggles with my goals of saving money for particular things and being unable to touch that money.  I also don't think he quite understands my use of certain accounts for certain things (i.e. house things are paid for by the house account).  He really likes seeing large amounts of money in his checking account, while I am not of the same belief.  Whereas I like to see large amounts in my savings/money market accounts and small to moderate amounts in my checking account.  I also believe this is a smart decision in this era of identity theft.

Honestly, the chat didn't go as well as I had anticipated, but within 24 hours things had been worked out and we were speaking to each other again and all my suggestions had been put into actions.

-Swimsuits.  Mine are tired and I'm in the market for some tops with underwire that cover these fucking massive blobs of fat while not making me have saggy titties.
-Swimsuit covers
-Dive things (emergency floater, arm slates, noise makers, reef-safe sunscreen)
-Shipping
-Groceries
-Household things
-Gifts
-Yurtle's 100k mile dr. visit (ouuuuuuuuch)
-Thank you gift for Teh Gardener

DREI - From My Phone Shit

I bought a hat.
I love it.
PS.  It's from Monsters University

New mugs which I could not resist purchasing.
#SorryNotSorry

Butt plug? Bath bomb?
Who knows?

Spending evenings out here changes my life.
Also, I'm kicking out the dog beds and putting the hammock back here.
Teh German said that he knows where to find me now...
(asleep in the hammock)  #NotSorry

Peanut butter, strawberry jelly, and BACON, on a steamed bagel.
YAS PLEASE.

Pax Nose Boops!

Steak and brussel sprouts =
forever day after cooking bacon meal
(We use the bacon grease for the brussel sprouts)

When you're trying to have a serious adult conversation and Husband conveniently finds the time to do every project ever that doesn't involve him participating in said conversation.
This is my ABF.. active bitch face.

Went ahead and set my out of office message.
#NotSorry

Have you heard about the band 1023MB?
They haven't had a gig yet.

Taking care of Teh Gardener's hard work!

Literal pork trifecta.
Ham, salami, bacon.

Bought myself a bath caddy that came with a pillow and a drain stopper to go with the bath bombs I bought last weekend.
#NotSorry

This bad mamajama is awesome.  Now my boobies might actually be covered if I'm not sitting up reading!

VIER - From the Internet Shit

Teacher makes himself into memes and it's fabulous.

Memes that sum up married life are usually on point.  Although I don't think there was a meme for my marriage this week that I can put on the internet.... (I don't mean that dirty, you pervs)

IMHO... What does the H mean?

America is hard for others.. and they aren't wrong.

If you like Dr. Pimple Popper, this is for you.  It's an entire 6 video series of this guy with like a mabillionty blackheads around his eyes and lawd it was good.

FÜNF - Things that made me happy this week

1. Evenings spent under the pergola.
2. Evenings spent laying in the hammock under the pergola.
3. When bugs get zapped by the bug zapper.
4. Flowers.
5. Friends who listen to your problems to ensure that you're not being unreasonable.
6. Bath time.
7. The word dong.
8. The ability to fuck off all week and accomplish shit on Friday.
9. The relief of an argument that has been resolved.
10. Sitting outside at work.

Happy Friday, Gentle Readers.