Five on Friday #157

EINS - Random Shit

-I'm just going to be real.  This has been a shit week.  In terms of school, a week = a month and well... I'm pretty much failing BOTH of my classes right now and all I want to do is pass, but I'm not holding out hope.  I've NEVER done this badly EVER in school, so every moment is anxiety ridden.  I'm back on my 2.5mg of lexapro because otherwise, I wouldn't be able to function.  Last weekend was the kicker when I was awake until 04 and 03 because of insomnia caused my outstanding homework problems.  On the anxiety meds, I sleep hard, sleep through the night, AND I actually fall asleep when I go to bed, vs hours later.  I also can handle all the shit I'm going through.. which I won't lie.. has been EXTREME (and inconvenient) this month.

-I bought the car.    I was reassured at work that my job is safe as long as I don't royally fuck things up, despite the difficulties of last week.

Her name is Willow.  Because apparently Subaru Outbacks are a hippy-lesbian (both of which I've been accused of, one of which is true) car and Willow is a perfect hippy name, and also because DISNEY.  Her full name is Grandmother Willow (yes, from Pocahontas).

-Speaking of my work drama.  I'm not sure if my former PM is genuine or not when he apologizes for what went down or not.  I hate playing professional "games" and this guy is a master at them.  Also, he's slippery enough that I can't pin-point if he's just acting or not, which makes me distrust him more.  It's complicated and I hate even having to worry with it.

Also, I hate that the team wasn't notified that I was off their project.  This means a lot of awkwardness (which is my specialty, but I try to contain that when at work) and me having to speak around the issue.. which meant that this morning I told someone, "No, I am not involved with that," instead of saying, "I guess it's not been reported that I've been fired from your project?"  See, look at me being professional and shit.  It can happen.

-Teh German has been a real saint with me this week/month.  He can tell that I'm stressed and he lets me rant and have mini-meltdowns and huff and puff (aka sigh a lot) about my problems.  I'm trying to make time for us, but it's incredibly difficult and I'm constantly shifting priorities in the moment to ensure that no balls drop.  It's exhausting.

-I feel like this gif describes my life perfectly.  Seriously.

-I didn't blog at all this week.  Teh German's post wasn't complete and it didn't even get posted.  That's where I'm at in life.  Priorities have been made and here we are.  I could have spent my time at the airport starting my next homework for CS, but I needed some ME time.  I'm burning myself out.

-The library took 1984 back before I was done with it (I was at 70%) and there's a 3 week waiting period.  FML.  If it wasn't a challenge book, I would have DNF about 25% in.  Buttttt for a challenge, I'll carry on.  /facepalm

In the meantime, I'm working on The Alice Network and Dark Triumph.  I started reading Neil Patrick Harris's autobiography book with Teh German, but I haven't had a chance to read it outloud before bed because my shitshow life this month. 

-My first cricut creation was a sticker for my water bottle that said "Steminist".  Like feminist with a STEM (science, technology, engineering, math) theme.  we..  first the s at the end came out so I had "Stemini t."  That was fine.. but when the first t came off and it read "Seminit"... it had to go.  now I just have "emini t".  It's so ridiculous it makes me chuckle.

-When your teacher hates you, you get a lot less partial credit.  In case you have ever wondered.

-Is it socially acceptable to do shots at the airport bar at lunch time?  Asking for a friend.

ZWEI - Money Shit

-I traded in Yurtle for Willow.. so I mean, that's a pretty big money thing..
-Ring Pro doorbell.  It was on sale on Woot.. and then when Prime Day happened, I got $6 refunded since they put it on sale within a week of me purchasing it.  #WIN
-Groceries
-Lunch at Mex 1 on Weds after I didn't have time to make a shake for lunch
-New brushes for Roomy, who works again.  #Praise
-Burger King for 2nd breakfast this morning since idk what time lunch will be.

DREI - From My Phone Shit

Goodbye kisses for my sweet Yurtle

and goodbye hugs, despite her being wet.

I let Teh German drive the day after I brought Willow home.

New doorbell.  It's supah cool.

Sweet Frog on Sunday with Teh PT Wife was a much needed treat.

It looks like a monster.
It made me LOL in the midst of calc 2 hell.

When I do math like this, math like 2+2 is no longer simple.

Computer science class.

I've been trying to take the dogs on walks in the AM when I have time.
Meri is constantly no the hunt for cats and bunnies and critters in general while Pax is like, WHY THE FUCCCKKK are we outside and why are you making me do this?.. DESPITE the fact that he, like Phil, loses his GD mind when I grab the leashes.  These damn dogs.

VIER - From the Internet Shit

FÜNF - Things that made me happy this week

1. Willow.  Even if change is hard.  Going over bumps no longer makes my tits smack me in the chin.  It's a full win.
2. Getting ahead on calc homework, or as much as possible.
3. Acceptance that if I fail my classes, I fail my classes.  I'm trying my hardest and that is all I am going to require of myself.  Perfection is unattainable in this situation.
4. Free wifi at the airport.
5. Lint balls.  Keeping me sane all week.
6. Meri and Pax being extra needy.  They know when I'm struggling and I appreciate that more than I can express to them.
7. Seeing Teh Running Bestie on her birfday.  Shhhhhh, she'll see this and glare at me for publicly announcing her birthday, but I didn't get restaurant servers to sing to her, so this is my trade off.  :D
8. My phone's super battery.  
9. A flight delay that enabled me the extra time to get this post created.
10. Teh German.  His patience with me.  His sympathy with my situation and his understanding that I'm trying my hardest to do something difficult.

Happy Friday, Gentle Readers.