Problems and Solutions

Real Talk Wednesday.. back again!

I'm the kind of person that when one thing goes wrong, a series of things will, inevitably, also, go wrong.  I've accepted this about myself.  I've learned to laugh at the challenges (mostly to stave off tears) and the ridiculousness of the situations that befall me.

But recently, I found myself juggling so many things at once and I couldn't figure out, for the life of me, why they were OMG PANTS ON FIRE RIGHT NOW MUST SOLVE ALL PROBLEMS important.

I know I said don't postpone problem solving in this post, but this was like a whole new level of tackling ALL THE THINGS RIGHT NOW.  Not only was I trying to focus my attention on multiple problems, but I needed IMMEDIATE solutions to all of the problems.  Problems that didn't need to be solved in the next few days, hours, or, for some things, even weeks.

I couldn't figure out what my problem was.
Then I heard a small voice in my head say, "Back away, Crazy."
So small, I barely heard it.  I've heard this voice before, but I try not to listen to it.  It's the voice that tells me, "Take a breath, now take another one, and another."  And then, I start getting amped up again, and it says, "Stopppp.  Take a breath.  Keep taking those breaths.  Slllloooowwww doooowwwwnnnnnnn, Megan.  Slow down."

This voice knows me.  This voice knows that if it says, "Relax, it will be fine," I will lose my shit.  I'll exponentially amp up to the point of an outburst or tears.  Because that voice knows that the r-word is the wrong word.  But mixing up the dialog helps.

Instead of "relax" my small voice, that often gets ignored (because I, obviously, am always in control and know exactly how to handle every situation, as of yesterday, thank you very much) knows to mitigate my anxiety and stress with gentle reminders to "slow down," "pause," and ask me, "Why is this important right now?"

Sometimes, that small voice has to get VERY loud for me to hear it... and more and more recently it's been having to yell at me.  Most recently it's been yelling,

Not every problem requires an immediate solution.

I know that's not a rocket science type of announcement for most people, but the day that the voice was yelling at me, it was a revelation.  Like, blew my own mind type of revelation.


Soooo often I get wrapped up in my problems.  Especially, when it's one thing after another.  Especially, when others have started to notice the black cloud that seems to hover over me.  Especially, when I feel that the problems have simple solutions.

But I am still human.  I am limited in my capabilities because there is only so much I can handle at once and so, so, soooo often, it feels like I'm the goalie and the entire team is shooting at me all at once and the coach expects me to block every.single.puck (it's hockey season, so yeah, pucks) that comes at me.

By the way, the coach is also me.  And, I'm also a few of the team members.  I really should be a better coach by not having the entire team shoot at the goalie all at once and, maybe, be a better team member by deciding not to shoot at my goalie, despite what the coach says. 

Mostly though, I really should back off my goalie.  Because the thing about all the pucks coming at you at once is that you definitely cannot block all of the pucks and worse, you might get hurt. 

Then, that voice reminded me...  I'm not the only goalie.  There's always a backup goalie, the 2nd string.

So, this is me, letting the small voice be heard.
I'm breathing.  I'm slowing down.  The joy is being taken away by trying to solve everything right now.  I'm reminding myself over and over and over and over and as many times as it takes, not every problem requires an immediate solution. 

And because I always need to be reminded: