Five on Friday #175

EINS - Random Shit

-My life has become a professional detective level hunt for anything that will prove the legitimacy of our marriage.  Do you know how simultaneously depressing and awesome that is?  Awesome because, I love a good hunt.  Depressing because, we have to prove to a stranger who doesn't know us that we aren't faking our marriage.  Do you know how tedious is it to go through 3 years of bank statements to prove that your significant other regularly gave you money for rebecause your relationship is real?  How tedious it is to guess what this stranger will accept as proof that we aren't faking it?  To not know if you have enough or too much information to give to this stranger?  Does too much look like you're trying too hard?  Because we know that too little is definitely unacceptable.

-It is a #firstworldproblem, but it annoys me that frozen pie shells come in packs of 2.  This makes me feel obligated to make 2 pies, when I really only want to make ONE pie, tyvm.  This leads me to another story...

-So what had happened was... the night before Thanksgiving, I made 2 chocolate pies (because 2 pie shells... ugh).  By Monday, I had eaten almost a whole pie by myself.  On Monday, I went to the deli-bodega (like a convenience store) down the street from work in search of some ice cream.  While I was checking out, it somehow came up that I had a chocolate pie in my fridge that I really shouldn't leave in my fridge, otherwise, I'd eat it all myself and I really shouldn't do that.  The cashier/owner said, "My wife and I would KILL some chocolate pie."  We laughed and I said, "Maybe tomorrow I'll deliver pie?" and headed back to work.

I couldn't stop thinking about it, so when I left Tuesday morning (coincidentally #GivingTuesday), I brought the pie with me.  It was chilly outside, so it was fine sitting in Willow while I was in class.  When I got to work, I cut out 1/4 of the pie and put it on a plate, then plated another, smaller, slice for myself.  After my 1200 meeting on Tuesday, I walked the plate of pie down to the bodega.  The lady was at the register ringing someone up.  When she looked at me to ask if she could help me I said, "I have a pie delivery."  She ran from behind the register counter, pushed another worker out of the way, and gave me a huge hug and took the pie from me.

She was so happy, over a plate of pie, that she was going to share.  I think it was that she didn't really expect pie and I considered not bringing pie (because I know that some people are very anti-food from stranger's houses, and I was just some random customer), but I just had a feeling that I needed to deliver the pie.  I needed to be the good in the world, even if it was just for a few seconds.  There was more satisfaction for me in her excitement and huge hug than if I had just donated money towards a cause or given someone an expensive gift.

-Me typing something in the search bar:
I will type in the entire thing, no matter if what I'm looking for autofills.

Me when someone else is typing something in the search bar:
IT'S RIGHT THERE!  YOU DON'T HAVE TO TYPE IT ALL!  R.I.G.H.T.T.H.E.R.E......

-I bought a 5 subject notebook for taking notes this semester.  I ran out of paper in 2 of the sections before Thanksgiving.  Fortunately, I didn't use the last section since the class is online, so I've been putting my run over notes in that section, but it's REALLY messing with my OCD.
5 subject notebook = 1 (it's lighter than a 3 ring binder + all the shit I'd put it in)
3 ring binder w/ loose leaf paper = 1 (it holds more shit (which is also a downside) and I can add paper)

-Asking for a friend.  How guilty should a person feel for letting someone else do their homework because that someone else enjoyed it?

-You know how anal companies are about getting your name correct and ensuring that your personal information is completely correct?  I feel that I should be just as anal about companies who can't manage to get my name correct on my bills, even after I've spelled out my name for them (and I'm not just talking about my last name either).

But, by far, the absolute WOOOORRRSSSTTTT thing?
People who misspell any name I've ever legally used in a written form when my name is RIGHT THERE (in the email header, or on FB, or whateverrrr).  I cannot with that shit.  Attention to detail, people, attention to detail! 

-This will seem trivial, but it's a life changer....

For real.  I don't have to worry about my (expensive) mechanical pencils running out of eraser anymore.  I AM THE ERASER QUEEN!!!!  At first it was tedious, but the longer I'm in college, the longer the questions tend to be, which means that I'm erasing, like, half a page of text at a time...  That's hard on a mechanical pencil eraser.  I know we rarely appreciate the small pieces of rubber in our lives, but we should all take a minute to thank them for what they do for us.

-Speaking ultimate truths today:
Me to my Coworkers: I'm not ready yet. Please let me eat first. I'm in such a bad mood.
Me to Teh German: I tell myself it's fine.  Nothing is wrong, wrong.  But a series of trivial inconveniences sets off my irrational rage.

This is an apt analogy for my entire Friday.
Not only did the liquid spurt out from the top,
my sleeve got caught when I put the lid on.
*one million facepalm emojis*

-NBD, but I'm TWO books over my Goodreads challenge.  It's not even December yet.  #LikeABoss

-I let Teh PT Husband borrow my percussion massager Wednesday night.  I was unbearably disappointed when I went to bed on Thurs night and I didn't have it since we had done lunges as part of the workout on Wednesday afternoon and my ass hurt so bad by Thurs night, I wanted to cry. 

An ode to my massager in haiku form.
Dear Percussion Massager,
I miss you very much.
Please come home to me soonish.

ZWEI - Money Shit

More shopping....

-all dese fancy soaps from TJMaxx.  I can't help it.  I love those things.  It's no worse than paying $5 for body wash, so I feel like it evens itself out.
-a new piece of furniture/stand for the new printer since the plastic red 3 drawer thing I've had since my freshman year at NC State was NOT going to cut it.
-Spätzle from World Market for Teh German
-$5 running tanktop from Belk.
-A 1920s style dress for a Christmas party, which if it works out, I will also wear to the Company Holiday Shindig.
-A container for the dog's bull dicks.  They are smelling up the entire cabinet and I cannot tolerate it anymore.
-Extra bag of dog food to send to Teh Running Bestie since the beasts will need to eat while they are with her in December.
-Insulated tumblers for gifts
-Crocs house shoes.
-Smart plugs
-A hue bulb for the guest room
-Alexa dot for the guest room
-Day drinking shirt purchases... oops.  Damn Amazon deal of the day got me. 

Normal things...
-Groceries
-Lunch (Tattooed Moose, Park Pizza)
-Sweet tea, but ONLY ONE ALL WEEK, not a single one from Chickfila on campus. It's my own form of #Resist...
-Ice cream
-Laundry things
-Friyay Sundrop

DREI - From My Phone Shit

How fucking hard is it to make the bottle straw a few millimeters longer so I can actually use almost all of the soap in the container?  #FirstWorldProblems #IrrationallyAngry

Received my Mumford & Sons album from purchasing the M&S ticket for Teh Sister.
I mean, I had to check and see if Willow even has a CD player, but, Gods-be-praised, she does.

I will sticker you bitches.

Received 1 of 2 Woot Crap boxes.
Mostly children's toys, a Barbie "fitbit", a gun sight, a rubber mallet without rubber, 2 bags of "yoga socks" (they have the grippy stuff on the bottom), and some horrible Alabama "Roll Tide" stick figure family stickers.  The best part of the box was the awesome shirt, in a ladies medium, so it might actually fit me.

Everyone needs one meal they can cook well.
This is Teh German's.
Lawwwdd it was goooooooood.
Look at that perfect medium-rare.
I almost humped his leg, but I didn't want to choke on the meat in my mouth.
(You're welcome, Gentle Readers, you.are.welcome.)

I've been collecting White Elephant Christmas gifts all year.
I consider this a year-long challenge.

What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman..
or drunk.

Did your heart just explode?
Sorry not sorry.
Lawwwddd, I love that grey face.

A morning note from Husband because I was out running when he left for work.
./swoon

I feel like I could be a solid brand ambassador, or whatever they call them.

Dear World,
Thank you for a birthday cake ice cream sandwich.
It was everything I never knew I needed.
Love, Meg

VIER - From the Internet Shit

Who are these animals that:
1- have 5% battery at 3:02pm.
2- Don't clear their notifications?!?!?!
I'm having an anxiety attack just looking at that shit.

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLL to people who think that pregnancy defines friendship.

This was the turning point in my life.

This will always be my approach.

FÜNF - Things that made me happy this week

1. Day drunk on a Friday, but sober enough to drive to the gym and work out and continue the party later for a friend's holiday celebration.
2. The end of the semester and being halfway through Bachelor's Degree #2.
3. Going through the photographic evidence that our marriage isn't a sham.
4. Struggling on the test question that everyone else struggled with.
5. No more cybersecurity class for the rest of the semester since the instructor has to go on travel.  Thank you adjunct professor!
6. Posting things to Twitter.  Not sure if I'm gonna stick with it, but it seems like a better place than Facebook for those types of posts.  IDK though.
7. Notes from Teh German before leaving home.
8. My $50 Woot Box of Crap was actually a hit.
9. ALL the black Friday order being delivered.
10. Midday drinking lunches with my coworkers where I laugh for so long, for so hard, that my cheeks hurt.

Happy Friday, Gentle Readers.