Special Edition Five on Friday #198

Let's be honest.. 5 on Friday can get be so droll.. so instead, I'm gonna give you a recap of shit that went down this week.. and all the photos.. because I know that's what you're really here for.. It's fine, my feelings aren't hurt.

Monday

We went to Tübingen with Mama G.  We walked around, had lunch, had ice cream, saw a revolting car that CAN hold 2 people, but shouldn't, got ice cream, waited a short bit for a boat ride that didn't get to happen, then we went by Teh German's company and while Teh German was inside for an obnoxiously long time (1.5 hours), Mama G and I sat in the car and chatted which was good until it started to rain and we had to roll up the windows and it got hot again and I started sending sassy text messages to Teh German.

Maultaschen mit pommes
Maultauschen is meat wrapped in noodle dough, and this one was fried in eggs... and of course, with fries.

Teh German for size reference of this death trap single seater car.

It's lookin' like 2016 up in here!

Does this look familiar (to those of you who actually go to the blog site to read my posts?)

Of course, an Eis selfie.

After Teh German, finally, came back to the car, we headed back to Mama G's house, with a pit stop at the grocery store, then to home.  Teh German and I left soon after to go hang with the German Gang for the evening.  When we got back, it was bedtime.

TUESDAY

Adventure day to the Bodensee since it was so hot at Mama G's house.  For real, Germany went from being cold and rainy the entire month of May (approximately) to a fucking sauna..  And by sauna, I mean it was ~85°F and that wouldn't be a problem for me if air conditioning was a thing in Germany, but a constant state of swamp ass doesn't nothing to make me a nice(r) person.  In fact, when I'm hot and sweaty, I am downright nasty.  Teh German and I both are this way, so we've come to accept this and thwart it whenever possible.

While I sat crammed in the backseat, I distracted myself with the internet and I learned 2 things:

1- Fossil updated the processor in some of their smartwatches.

2- Said smartwatches were $200 at that moment.

I explained this to Teh German who only enabled me to finally purchase the watch (since I've been waiting for the perfect watch with all my specifications (waterproof, NFC, updated processor) for a very long time).  Then, another situation happened.. WHAT COLOR DO I GET!?!?!

Red is my jam, but rose gold matches my wedding band and other jewelry I wear and will match better with my outfits.  But red is my jam.  Decisions are hard.

So which one did I pick?
You'll have to wait and see..
And by wait I mean, until after we get home..
And by see I mean, I'll show you when I finally get it. 

Our destination was Insel (Island) Mainau.  There were lot of flowers there, which Mama G knew would appeal to me and my camera.  She wasn't wrong.

If you look closely, you can see snow on the Alps.

I wasn't kidding about multiple allergy seasons for us this year
Look at all this tree jizz!

We toured the island, I took lots of pictures, and then we decided to get lunch in Konstanz, which is where Teh German and I went for lunch in 2016 the day we visited Schloss Neuschwanstein.  We did at least pick a different restaurant this time around.  After lunch, we headed back to Mama G's house.  At one point, I finally fell asleep, but I was unfortunate enough to wake up when we got off the autobahn to stop and get gas.  When Mama G turned off the car while we waited on the car at the pump and we sat in the hot car suffocating, all I could think of was all the Facebook posts about not leaving dogs in hot cars and how quickly a car heats up in the summer with the windows up.  Let's just say that when it's that hot and with no AC, I definitely take 2 showers a day. 

And I'm going to be gross for a minute, so skip this paragraph if you want.  Here's my problem with being hot and sweaty all the time.  My body hates me.  It does everything it can to punish me as often as possible.  When I'm stuck in a perpetual state of forever swamp ass, my hoo-hah becomes a bread making machine.  Well, not quite.  I become a yeast making machine... and it's fucking disgusting.  Know what is unpleasant?  Yeast infections.  Know what is impossible to avoid when your underwear stay sweat soaked for most of the entire day?  A fucking yeast infection.  So yeah.  I'm not just a whiny, fat, American who wants AC.  I'm a woman who doesn't want to have a yeast factory in my pants.

More grossness... couple that yeast factory with being .... constipated AF (because my body hates to travel and all the toilets in Germany are for people with long legs (no jk, I actually used the bathroom trashcan as an improvised squatty potty (thanks to Teh Sister for that idea))).. and being 85% confident you have a UTI (again, my body hates me). 

Moving on.. when we got back, it was chill time.  Teh German went to the Apotheke (pharmacy) for some meds for my ailments (mentioned in the grossness paragraphs), and after Teh German got back, Papa G came over for dinner since it was our last night in Germany.

Timo and Joshi (Yoshi) having man time.

Dinner was a spinach/lox quiche and salad.
Dessert was ice cream with strawberries.

Around 9, I finally said it was my time to shower.  Papa G and Mama G had been discussing ebikes for what felt like half my life since I didn't understand most of what they were saying since it was too fast and not directed at me.  Since Teh German also wasn't included in most of the conversation, I was ready to shower (not a surprise if you read the gross paragraph) and start the laundry and go to bed.

PS.  Even at night, I sweated the whole night and would wake up covered in sweat.. even with a fan on us.  For most of the time that I was in Germany, I slept ok.... once it got over 65°F at night?  Fuck no.  I got the shittiest shit of all the sleeps.

WEDNESDAY

Finally, Italy day was upon us!  We had breakfast and showered and I had a little roller time before we left.

New friend up in my biz.

When we got to the airport, it took forever to find parking and then we walked the entire distance that we'd traversed in the car to get to our check in counter.  I was over it all when we finally got through security, which also took half my life because I always end up in the line with everyone who has never flown before, so they are retarded about how to take out their electronics and liquids... FML.

That chocolate thing was fucking delicious.  Probably the best airplane snack I've ever eaten.
Google always lets me know when I'm in a new country now.  I like it.
Silly selfies with Husband.

Side note regarding Google Fi. (that's my referral link)
100% would recommend.  I've not really used Google Fi much in the US, but while I've been overseas, my expectations were 100% met and sometimes even exceeded.  Overseas, I have normal costing data and SMS for free.. but the only kicker is that calls cost $0.20 when I'm not on wifi.  So I've made calls only when absolutely necessary without wifi.  In America, I think the calls are unlimited minutes, but I can't remember since I used it for such a short time before I left for Germany.  Also, since I'm on wifi in Charleston 90% of the time, Google Fi was great for me in Charleston.  I'd be interested to see how it stands when we travel to NC or other places, but the price cannot be beat.

I was very wiggly when we finally arrived in Italy.  I was sooooo excited.  For a verrrrrrryyy long time I've wanted to come to Italy.  Hell, I wanted to be stationed in Italy when I was in the Navy, but the Navy hated me and sent me to desert islands (TWICE) instead.

It was difficult for me to contain my excitement and not post a millionty Snaps/send Teh Running Bestie all.the.photos.  But, here, you get them all!

The water taxi trip from the airport to Venice.

First day in Italy selfies

Our hotel.

Dinner the first night.
I even had a spritz which was borderline too bitter for me.

Gondolas, of course.

Soooo, I'm not so good with saying no to street peddlers.. butttttt I learned my lesson in Venice.  Teh German and I went to the Rialto Bridge because we're tourists, kthx.. and this man approached us while I was taking our selfie, shoved this bouquet of roses in my hand and takes my phone and takes our photo.  When he takes 3 photos, he hands me my phone and I try to hand him back the roses.  He won't take them.  He then tells Teh German, "pay now."  Teh German had predicted this would happen when he saw the guys standing there, but I hadn't realized it would be quite so aggressive.  Teh German offers the man 5€ and he says 10€.  I tell the man, no, he can have his flowers back and he refuses.  At the same time, Teh German says that if he won't take the 5€, he won't get anything.  So he takes all but 3 of the roses from me and grumbles something and walks away.  I was more annoyed that now I had to carry these roses around for the rest of the night...  The only benefit was that no more peddlers approached us.  Ugh.

Saint Marco Basilica

Rialto Bridge at night

Awwwwwww

After our night tour, we headed back to the hotel.  We had turned the room's AC down to 20°C and set it to high.. an arctic blast greeted us when we opened the door, which was a welcome relief after climbing 3 flights of stairs.

THURSDAY

Only full day in Venice and I had already purchased tickets for a Murano, Burello, and Tortallini (Tortello or something I can't remember) island tour.  Breakfast was at the hotel.

My international breakfast.

#BookHunter

So the tour tickets said that the tour started at 0945 and you should be there 15 minutes prior.. so I planned for us to arrive around 0930, assuming that 15 minutes was buffer time.  Well, it was actually buffer time, except that there were TWO pick up locations and that was NOT made clear in the ticket.  Additionally, the directions for the place it told us to go to (KFC, actually) were WRONG via Google, so we really had no fucking chance... we missed our tour.

I called the tour office I booked through.. it would take us over 40 minutes to get from the KFC to the other meeting point.  It was 0943 when I finally called.  They departed at 0945.  FFFFUUUUCCCKKK MMMMEEEEEE.  I tried to get my money refunded, but they said no since we had missed the pick up time.  I didn't bother to argue that the directions were COMPLETELY unclear AND that Google didn't get us to the right place anyways, and... let's just be real here, it's 2019 and if a map app (in this instance, Google Maps) doesn't get you to the right place, you're telling people the wrong thing to get to your location.  The KFC where we needed to be was across a canal from where Google put us.  Uhhh wut?  We could see the KFC, but everything was so unclear and it was just a fucking disaster.

Sooo then, I noticed that there was another tour going to the islands and I asked how we joined.  I followed the directions of the tour guide, I purchased another set of tickets for the tour, and after a 10 minute wait, we were on the way...  But for real.. the next time we have less than 48 hours in a place, I will buy ZERO tickets beforehand and I'll/we'll figure it out when we get there.  I've wasted more money on unused tickets in the last month.. and I'm pissed at myself.

Teh German was a pretty good sport about it all after I had my rant and he saw that I called the person and tried to talk to them about the issue.  I think he also realized that if he was irritable, it was only going to exacerbate the issue further.

We finally made it on a tour boat!

Our first stop was Murano, an island known for glass making.  I knew there would be a purchase here when I booked the tour.  I don't love dust collectors, generally, but glass balls always have a special place in my heart.  Unfortunately, I didn't like any of the hanging glass balls, so we ended up with something else instead...

If you're interested.. this black chandelier costs 130,500€.
DAFUQ?

We made it back to the boat with minimal problems.  I say minimal because after we purchased our stuff, there was no one to wrap it and I waited for several minutes for someone to finally come.. It was 1 minute past the guide's time to be back at the boat when I came.  Teh German had went ahead so that way he could make them wait.

The next stop was Burano island.. This island is known for lace making, but we didn't see any of that.  We walked around and I took some photos and we finally decided on a place to eat.. and then, we had a replay of the time we stopped for lunch in the Blue Mountains (in Australia) and Teh German had to run back to the bus while I waited to get our food boxed up and then I had to run to the bus so they wouldn't leave me.

Except this time.. I was the runner and I went in the wrong direction (which Teh German told me to go to)...  I had NO idea where I was AND no idea where I needed to be... so I was fucked.  I ended up making it to the water, but it was not the right place and the docks weren't connected so I had to go back into the town to get to another pier.. and ffffuuuucccckkk mmmmeeee.  It's a fucking miracle I ended up finding Teh German after several wrong turns.  He was calling me, I assume, since he was on his phone when I found him.

He was super pissed and I was sweaty (again, since I'd gotten sweaty in the AM trying to find the right fucking place for our tour), and together it was a nightmare.  I finally had to tell him that I was not the problem here and he needed to stop taking out his frustration on me.  That really quieted things down.  We back tracked our steps, past the restaurant where we'd had to get our food boxed up (where we stole 2 forks since they didn't have plasticware #SorryNotSorry), then back the way we'd come until we made it back to the pier and I started randomly approaching boats until someone finally directed me to a boat that would get us to the next island.  🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌

Teh German was still pissed, but we sat on the boat and waited for others to come aboard.  I did also manage to talk him into eating his lunch, which I knew would also help the situation.  When we got to the next island, I wasn't feeling it.  I would have rather just sat on the boat by that point.  I was over the whole fucking day.  Teh German said we should carry on though.  Also, it helped that there was only one path in/out of the last island... there would be no crazy canals and mix ups and wrong directions.  I wasn't interested in paying the 5€ for the Basilica tour, so we wandered instead and I found a vineyard/flower garden.

Teh German did admit that if he would have realized that we'd be able to take another boat from the 2nd island, he wouldn't have freaked out so bad and we could have sat and enjoyed our lunch instead of stressing out.  Oh well.

When we got back to Venice, we stopped at the Piazza San Marco to have a Venetian experience (aka, sit and listen to music and people watch while drinking overpriced beverages).  It cost us 6€ to sit and listen to the music + beverages.  If we hadn't been ordering, we wouldn't have been allowed to sit there. 

Have I mentioned yet that Venice is a tourist trap and everythingggggg is overpriced?  Because it is.  Would I recommend Venice to a friend?  Only if they have money to waste.  Because that's what Venice feels like to me.

We did some exploring after being Venetians, unfortunately, in the opposite direction of our hotel.  Teh German started to get tired and cranky and I finally had to point out to him that he hadn't asked me for help solving the problem (he didn't have wifi and was kinda winging it getting us back to the hotel area) and he was taking out his frustration on me and I was not the problem. 

Once I called him out, he explained that he was tired and his feet hurt and he just wanted to sit down, but he wanted to stop near the hotel, not far away.  So I navigated us back towards the hotel, backtracking us through the Piazza San Marco again and then through the upscale tourist shop and finally back to the Rialto Bridge and in the area of our hotel.  When we finally sat down, we were both relieved.

We ordered dinner at the cafe and enjoyed drinks and people/water watching (and for me, people listening to the table behind us) and being stationary.  I explained to Teh German that he didn't need to run himself ragged because we're in a new place.  That it's vacation and he could tell me he's tired at anytime and we'd stop.  For me, I was enjoying taking photos of random things, so I wasn't concerned with how far we were.  He said he also felt kinda bad because he kinda wanted to go back to the room after dinner and relax and I told him that was nothing to feel bad about.  We'd had a full day, full of stress, and decompress time is the purpose of vacation.  Yes, we're in Venice, a new place, but we both agreed that Venice was overpriced and overrated and we'd go back to the overpriced hotel ($200 per night, in case you were interested) and enjoy air conditioning and free wifi and take showers and be lazy.  That IS vacation.

After we got back to the hotel, we showered and scrolled... and I wrote this post so it can go live tomorrow without me feeling obligated to take time to write it.  It's kinda perfect timing anyways.  Tomorrow, we leave Venice and take the train to Rome.  As excited I was to be in Italy, multiply that by 50 and that's how excited I am for Rome.

Unfortunately, all my meticulous planning hasn't worked out as planned.  Our food tour on Saturday was rescheduled to Tuesday and I received an email today that the top tiers of the Colosseum are closed so we won't get our full tour that I paid for.. but we get a 50€ credit anywhere they do tours.... too fucking bad I already paid this company for multiple tours for this trip.. *roll eyes*  ugh.  The credit is good for like 5 years or something ridiculous but still.. WTF, can a girl get a break please?  When I got an email about the Vespa tour later in the day, I almost had a heart attack, thinking it was going to be altered too.. Nope, just a confirmation email.  *SSIIIIIIGGGHH*

So wish me/us luck that we make it to Rome with ZERO problems.  It's a nonstop train ride, so it should be simple enough but we have to get to the train station by water taxi and we're lugging our suitcases behind us.. so I'm sure to have a serious case of swamp ass by the time we get to Rome.  #JesusTakeTheWheel

Weekend Review is not a guarantee on Monday because ROMMMMEEE and general travel and things.. We'll see.  Next week is also wonky since we'll be traveling back to the US and reuniting with the beasts (finnnnaalllyyy) and then heading back to Charleston.  So, standby to standby, Shoremates Gentle Readers.