Five on Friday #213

EINS - Random Shit

Friend on Facebook: My friend has 18 kids.. EIGHTEEN!  What's your super power?
*There is an article linked about how this person is a foster parent/similar relationship (I don't exactly know the specifics because there was no transcript for the video that I refused to do more than skip through), so ya know, wholesome things.

My considered responses:
-NOT having 18 kids.
-Not having ANY kids, despite the way I am, have been since I was teenager, and the bets that I'd be a teenage mom.
-Not killing anyone on any given day.
-Full time work, full time school, full time marriage, full time dog mom, healthy social life?
-Sometimes I run for medals.

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I am an AVID unsubscriber.  Apparently, to the point of punishing myself.

Examples:
-I no longer receive some race emails after unsubscribing myself from their emails after receiving more than one marketing email about the race, another race, or buying gear for the race.  This means I sometimes miss out on important race emails.  But for real, why would your marketing emails be the same distro as your race info emails?  #RUDE.

-I cannot sign into my OB/GYN's patient portal because I unsubscribed myself from their emails after getting an email, text, and robo-call to tell me I had a secure message after some event where they just wanted to make sure the patients fared well during the event.  Then later, I got the another email, text, and robo-call to tell me they hadn't seen me in a while, I assume as a reminder to make an appointment.  Know what won't get me to make an appointment?  HARASSING ME VIA 3 METHODS OF CONTACT.  Send a text OR an email OR robo-call me.  NOT ALL THREE.  Un-fucking-acceptable.

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More on that.. the OB/GYN isn't the only office that uses ALL my contact methods to get in touch with me.  It makes me EXTREMELY angry.  This is why I unsubscribe so quickly when these things start happening.

It's one thing to confirm an appointment, but it's quite another to send me 2 appointment reminders, a confirmation request, and then a call and text to remind me of my appointment the day of.  Look, I never asked for that.  I never will, ever.

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The instructor for my Tues/Thurs class was away this week.  Tuesday, we had a speaker, and I skipped class like the college student I am.  Thursday, the instructor had planned to be in town, but turns out he wasn't.. and we still had the quiz he warned us we'd have, but he had another professor administer it.

Instead of having to go to campus for a 10 minute quiz, I emailed the professor and asked if I could take my quiz online instead of having to travel the 40 minutes there and then 40 minutes back.  To my surprise, he agreed.  I didn't bother to mention that Tues/Thurs are my days in the office, so really I only have to drive 20ish minutes (traffic willing).  #GasSaved!

Fun fact: I've been to 4 of the 6 classes we've met for.  Technically, we should have had 10 lectures by this point, but between the Hurrication and the professor's travels, he's been there for those 4 classes that I've attended.  Of the 2 classes I missed, 1 was a guest speaker and the other was this quiz day.  #NotSorry

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Look, Gentle Readers... I'm HORRIBLE at dealing with death.  Like.. I can't explain it.  I'm BAD at death.  I make jokes and 99% of people do NOT find them amusing.  Although, the people that know me realize that I'm just that way, that I'm not trying to be disrespectful or rude.

That is a preface to the saga that has been going on with the aquarium this week.

So, in the last 2 months, Teh German has been trying to get rid of this brown algae that has taken over the tank.  It's not bad, but Teh German doesn't like it, so it has to go.  He's tried all kinds of things (changing the water flow, new pump, new critters) and nothing has really worked to get rid of it.  In these attempts to get rid of the brown algae while also doing regular maintenance, Teh German has really pissed off the anemone and Thin Stripe had taken to laying on the bottom under the rock formation.  Thin Stripe would come out to eat and sometimes he'd come out and then Fat Stripe would aggressively chase him, and he'd go back into hiding under the rocks (FYI: this is normal clown fish behavior.  Female/dominant clown fish are total twats).

This week, Teh German went by the fish store and came home with a new resident: a crabby crab who would eat the brown algae.  As he lovingly put the crab in the tank while I watched, he said sweet words to it, like, "You might just be my favorite thing if you're not an asshole and you get rid of that brown algae."  Teh German said to me, "The crab will be the easiest thing in the whole tank!"  I snapped our new resident and went back to the office to do my homework.

Within 20 minutes I hear Teh German yelling, "NOOOO! HE'S EATING HIM!"

Side note: We aren't really sure what most of the aquatic creature genders are, so we often interchange the referenced genders, other than Thin Stripe (male) and Fat Stripe (female).

Him could have been the urchin, bottom skimmer, any of the crabs, anemone, or Thin Stripe.  There was no further information being released, so I yelled back, "IS IT EATING MY URCHIN?!"  Teh German responded, with great anguish, "Thin Stripe."  At which point, I hurried to the tank with my phone to snap this crazy evidence of Mother Nature being the bitch she is.

When I went to take a Snap of the situation, Teh German got PISSSSSSSED at me.  I hadn't realized the magnitude of his anguish.  He was SUPER UPSET.  He refused to let me take a photo.  I had to pull him away from the tank so he didn't just kneel there watching the crab eat the fish (crab had skewered Thin Stripe with one of his vicious claws and was pulling off chunks of Thin Stripe with his other claw).  I tried to hug him and make up for my lack of sensitivity, buttttt he was past that.  My bad.

Teh German went upstairs to change (and be upset about the situation) and I snuck back to the tank and took a photo of the crab with his vicious claw stabbed into Thin Stripe.  I had just sat back down at the desk when I heard Teh German coming down the stairs.  It was a close call.  I didn't send the photo to anyone, but I have it.  Will I ever tell Teh German I did this?  Noooooooooooooope.  He was particularly... crabby.. for the rest of the evening.

Before bed, I was perusing FB and someone in the GEGR group posted a photo of their greyhound sniffing at a live crab that they were going to have for dinner and I cackled because the entire evening made this photo uncontrollably hilarious to me.  I had to message Teh Running Bestie and say, "Think it's too soon if I show this to Teh German?"

The next morning, I checked the tank and the crab was standing at the edge just clackin' his claws at me like he was proud of himself and he'd come after me if he wasn't stuck in that tank.  Everything else was still living.  Teh German said that his evening activities included ...fishing... out Thin Stripe.

When I got home, I checked the tank and couldn't find Fat Stripe!  I was super concerned at first because she's a twat, but that crab is obviously a slayer and I'm not sure who would win in a fight... then she came out from behind the rock to defend her anemone and I sighed in relief.  The LAST thing I needed to deal with was Teh German after his $10 crab killed TWO $30 clown fish.

True to his word, Teh German fished Thin Stripe out from under the rock.  I asked if I could take a pic and he said no, so let me describe Thin Stripe to you: a head, bones with minimal meat, and a tail.  Thin Stripe was the crab's buffet and he took advantage of that... Monster.  I was going to offer to play Taps for Thin Stripe, but Teh German wouldn't let me take a pic and he was halfway to the bathroom when I thought of it, sooo the only send off Thin Stripe got was the sound of the toilet flushing as he was transported to the Ether.

After Teh German was done with tank things, he announced that he was going to have a beer in honor of Thin Stripe.  I cackled.  Also, I just thought that it would have been hilarious if Teh German had Red Stripe beer in the fridge.  He doesn't, but it would have been funny to drink a Red Stripe in honor of Thin Stripe.

Let me make a recommendation to you, Gentle Readers...
NEVER, EVERRRRRRR EVVVAAARRRR decide that you want a salt water tank.  Just don't.  It's a money sink and it's wayyyy more stressful than any hobby should be.

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Let me tell you about what I did at work yesterday...
Toasted Graham coffee + Pumpkin Spice creamer.

It was a Fall-gasm in my mouth.
Yes, it was almost 90°F outside, but in my brain, it was fall.

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I am ridiculous about some things, I'm well aware of this fact... butttt when I found Claws (like Crocs but with claws on the toes) for $8 for TWO pairs on Meh a few weeks ago, I was like, fuck it.. looks like I'm paying $5 for shipping so I can get two pairs of these bad boys.

The total was $13 for 2 pairs of shoes, so still cheaper than an average pair of shoes.
But $8 for TWO pairs = $2 per shoe = #NoRagrats

Sooo, a side story...
Remember above when I said that I snuck to the fish tank to take the photo of the crab?  Well, part of the sneaking was taking off my jammin' Clawz so that way there was no shoe squeaking on the floor when moved to the tank and back to the office.  I was super sad about removing my shoes because they are so awesome.

Are they ridiculous? HELL YES.
Are they hilarious? HELL YES.

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I purposely made Teh German put his meatballs in a ceramic bowl on Monday so he wouldn't melt the plastic cheap bowls we normally use for leftovers, as he tends to microwave his food to the temperature of scalding off taste buds/the sun.  When red sauce is involved, it means that he almost always melts the plastic bowls.

2 days later, he brought in currywurst leftovers for lunch... and proceeded to melt a hole in the plastic bowl... Even though, we had LITERALLY just talked about melting the plastic bowls.  Thankfully, they are cheap, but whyyyyyyyyyy?  I was a good enough sport to laugh when he put water in the bowl and we watched it pour of the hole that he had so effortlessly engineered.

Also, I find it amusing that most people have a specific time that they microwave things.
Teh German almost always microwaves things for 1:40 seconds or he uses the +30 seconds/+1 minute button (depending on the microwave).
I almost always do times in sets or runs of 3 (i.e., 1:23 or 1:11), unless I use the +time button.  I also have a fun trick where I double the time and half the power so my food cooks more thoroughly.  Teh German does not practice this trick.

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#TechWriterProblems Story
Well... this story is more like #TechWriterSolutions

A coworker had some issues with one of his Excel graphs not showing the values he wanted and some other shit.  I was able to fix his values, but then the graph changed and contained bars he didn't want.  I couldn't figure out how to make the information show, but not the graphical representation, so we did one better.  We matched the color of the bar to the background of the graph.. and then when that didn't work, we adjusted the bar settings so nothing about the bar showed at all.  The graphs weren't centered over their values, but they were close and we called it a truce.

Maybe it's one of those victories you had to be there for.  It brought both of us great joy.

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Today is a special day, Meri's 6th birthday!

Thursday night, we pregamed with 2-legger steak remnants as a special treat.

Both beasts were graced with special treats.

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Soo I ended up going to Bojangles three times this week... becaause this fucking bullshit that went down this morning when I got in the car.

That'd be my breakfast sammich, on the floor board of my car.....
the EXACT area where I drop my loose hairs...
the EXACT area where people put their feet when they sit in the passenger seat....
Fuuuuccckkking SIGH...

AND THEN... AND FUCKING THEN... I was almost to work when I realized that I had left my lunch in the fridge at school.  I had brought it in with me so it wouldn't have to sit in the car getting warm until I got to work.

Teh German said, "The food is rebelling against you."
He wasn't wrong.

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I purposely made an appointment for the exterminator to come at a specific time because I wanted them to treat the inside of the house and garage.  The tag on the door said he came on his lunch break at 1200.... Uhhh, mother fucker, I did not ask you to come on your lunch break when it was more convenient for you..

And after the massive spider webs that were left the last time they came, which was a task that had a check beside it for completion, I was already pissed off.  Sooo, I called to complain that they came out early, despite the appointment, they offered to send someone out, I said no thanks, then I said I wanted to cancel and she offered to let me speak to the manager and I said no thanks, just cancel the account, thanks, bye.

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Unfortunately for our cleaners, the day that I fired the exterminators was also the same day that I slid the coffee maker over and the counter was completely sticky underneath... and I was already on a rage fill get shit done power mode mood.  When I noticed 2 sodas under the entry bench, because Roomy had died before he could make it to his house, my curiosity was peaked, as Teh German wouldn't have had soda anywhere near the entry bench.  I compared the date on the Dr. Pepper bottle to the ones we had in the fridge.. and they matched...  I was not pleased.

I had also noticed, on my way into the house after I got home, that they had left the pad on the steam mop, which was unusual.  When I placed the pad on the stairs to be brought upstairs, I noticed that the vacuum cleaner was sitting on the landing of the stairs, completely full, which I had already spoken with the Cleaners.

After a phone conversation about all the day's issues, things were more straightened out.. We'll see how things go from here.  I didn't mention anything about the sodas because I don't want to seem vein or greedy that someone took something from our fridge.  To me, it was just 2 sodas, but to an employer of someone who comes in other people's homes, I imagine that theft of goods and the fact that someone had to open the fridge at all, which fridge cleaning is NOT part of the cleaning tasks, is important.  If it happens again, I will definitely be calling again. 

ZWEI - Money Shit

-Motorcycle insurance.  At least it's yearly, so it's not as rapey as regular SC auto insurance.
-Parking for Friday night's activities
-Groceries
-Dog food x2.  Thanks, Amazon.... grrr.
-Bojangles x2.  Whatever...   (update: x3)
-Water bill
-Power bill
-Returned the Brooks shoes to Dicks.  Hello $$ in my pocket.
-Puma finally received the returns I mailed back.  Now if they'd actually post the return to my account, that'd be nice.

DREI - From My Phone Shit

He has a car and two motorcycles.
It's like Duolingo knows my life.

This fucking over-achiever.
I mean, good on you, Go Getter, but how do you do anything besides run?
Also, you better have a sweet medal rack to go with those magnets.

Meatball subs on garlic toasted buns for dinner.
#NotSorry

Currywurst and pommes for dinner!
#GermanNight

Thanks, Lidl, for cheap filet mignon.
With spinach and risotto.

Shoe considerations for Friday morning...
I went with left, but it was a hard life choice.

VIER - From the Internet Shit

It does not make you irresponsible if everything is not planned out in your life.
-MHN

Giving your all doesn't mean you have to do it all,
and you are allowed to pace yourself.
MHN

On broken love:
If you feel a little insensitive to the unraveling of the ties between you:
may you know that light will still find you and remind you you can still be whole.
No matter the love that was lost or the ending that was out of your control.
MHN

This is the part of the journey where she is leaning into this hope:
Through all that is uncertain,
there is still more road to go.
-MHN

FÜNF - Things that made me happy this week

1. Finally getting to Meri's birthday.  It's been KILLING me to not give her the toys before her birthday.  KILLING ME.  I'm a celebrator.  I can't help it.  One of my love languages is receiving gifts, so the fact that I struggle to NOT give people I love gifts makes sense.
2. Calling my teacher out on breaking his patterns.. to the detriment of student success.  I didn't say it that fancy, but I called him out on not warning us of a change regarding quizzes and for changing the date to SOONER regarding when something was due.  I didn't pitch a fit about the due date situation like other students had, but I did at least say something, as I'm the only one that really can say something like that.
3. My Clawz shoes.  They are ridiculous.  I don't care.  They make me giggle every.single.time I see my feet.
4. Going to the chiropractor and my C3/4/5 popping.
5. Toasted Graham coffee + pumpkin spice creamer.
6. Skipping the gym Wednesday to let my BJB heal and to meet the exterminator...
7. Delicious dinners this week.  
8. Teh German suggesting we take the dogs to the Parktober Fest on Saturday.  I'm certain it's going to be a disaster because taking a dog to any public place with other dogs and unfamiliar things and food temptations is never a good idea.. butttt family time.
9. The END OF SEPTEMBER, the month that would never, ever, EVER fucking end.. until it was like Sept 17th, then 27th....
10. Finishing this post with 6 minutes until Saturday.  #YOLOBITCHES

Happy Friday, Gentle Readers.