Five on Friday #240

EINS - Random Shit

Since I graduated in 2007, I've wanted to use my Media degree.  YALL.. I might actually get to do that with this job because our office has taken on more of a role in media production and several of my coworkers also have media types of backgrounds and, if I had a penis, learning that fact would have given me a stiffie.  #NotSorry.

In addition, I actually get to do IT/database/data science things and if I didn't already have a hard-on from the media things, getting to do actual work using my CS degree would have definitely done it for me.

YAY for good life choices!

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Let me explain my Tuesday Trial.

0720, be at VA for blood draw.  NBD.
Go get Bojangles to celebrate the loss of 5 vials of blood.
Go to Walmart to pick up grocery items/order.
Agree to let the photographer come at 4 instead of 5.
Agree to let the photographer come at 11 instead of 4.
Go home and attend DSU-Facetime meeting.
Manage inbox, respond to ignored text messages.
Start cleaning like a dervish (no more nose art, vacuuming, hiding shit that shouldn't be in staged house photos).. I can feel the sweat rolling down my back when the photographer and realtor arrive.
Realtor helps me "clean" and turn on lights.  Notice some odd spots on the runner and stairs, suspect poop foot, but cannot determine.  Go upstairs to vacuum.  Realtor starts messing with light switches (HUGE NO NO in this house).  Fish tank alarm goes off.  I race downstairs terrified at what has happened.  Realtor says she undid whatever she did to make the alarm go off (spoiler alert: she did NOT).  Beds made and dog beds relocated and entire upstairs vacuumed.  I go downstairs to breath since the cleaning is done and let the dogs in.  Pax jumps on the couch with a bloody foot.  Have to clean that.  Determine it was DEFINITELY poop on the rugs, determine that Sandy is Princess PoopFoot.  Realtor watches while I pick and cut dingleberries from Sandy's big fuckin' hoof.  Run upstairs to grab the pool fob for them to take pool photos and realized photographer had left some random shit in the closet photo (at which point, I was confident that everything was truly fucked).  Made him redo that shit.  Realtor starts to move the rug she'd rolled up from the garage and it got stuck in the garage door, at which point I realized that she'd rolled up a 33 foot runner AND the 3 separate carpet pads all together so it was absolutely unmanageable.  I actually said, WTF why would anyone roll all this up together?  She looked sheepish.  I tell her I'll fix it myself since I'll just clean the floor while the rug is rolled up.  Manage to get the rug and pads out of the doorway.  They leave.
I sit down to catch up on emails.
Realize it's almost 1 and force myself to eat lunch since I have a 1pm meeting.
Eat during meeting.
Almost fall asleep on my desk during meeting.

Then in the afternoon, I went out to pick up the new router from Best Buy and came home to set it up while Teh German had his hairs did.  When he got back I had finally given up and called our ISP for troubleshooting help since nothing I had tried worked.. including properly plugging it in.

I had called before getting ragey AND the problem was actually at the ISP end, so there would have been nothing I could have done anyways.  So while mildly frustrating, I was able to get it all sorted out before I went all Anger from Inside Out on the situation.  Annnddd tttthhheeennnn, because I didn't want our things to get confused, I created a new wifi name, which meant that we had to spend the rest of the evening fixing all the smart home devices we have.. ya know, all 39581840102 devices that feed on wifi.  /facepalm for days.

It was tedious, but not as difficult as we anticipated.  The only complicated thing was the door lock due to the banding situation, but I managed that with a little bit of TLC.

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Speaking of media degrees and Megan expertise..  a photographer came to the house on Tuesday to take listing photos.  I requested to see them.... and based on my overly high standards... they fucking sucked (because the motherfucker didn't even use a flash and I live in a cave so they were ALL over-edited to the point of everything being pixelated and having glowing edges in an attempt to brighten them) and I said NOOOOOPPPPPEEEEEEE.

Yall, I wasn't even overly nice about it either.

I'm going to be completely honest... he can do better than this.  All of these photos are sooooooo edited, to the point that you can actually TELL in the photos because there is distortion and noise and "glowy" edges.  For a camera "that does good in low light", I expected a LOT more.  Also, I checked out his Instagram page, he obviously knows his way around Photoshop... unfortunately for him, I also own a "big" camera and can do photoshop things, but I'm not the one getting paid to do that.  Worse, I'm the one, ultimately, paying, and I expect more.

So another photographer came on Thursday to take photos.

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Then onto Wednesday Woes:
I had arranged doggy daycare for the beasts on Saturday so we could have an open house, but our realtor kept asking about when people could come view the house outside of that time and I was just short of a meltdown, because I have to do something with 3 dogs and would need to straighten up the house (i.e. hide shit) before people could come and we couldn't be home... and WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO with 3 dogs and an inability to be home during the middle of a work day?!  FUCKING FUCK.

OH AND... because I insisted on new photos we listed a day later... so what about people coming on Sunday to see the house?  AND THEN.. LIGHT BULLLLBBBBB: Errbody is gettin' up out dis bisch.

I started looking into AirBnBs in Savannah (because I still haven't been there) and couldn't find anything reasonable that allowed pets.  Then I was like, what about Asheville?  Ugh, that's so far away.. But THENNNN... I was looking at the AirBnB map with available places and found a place on the water that is 3 hours away that allowed dogs AND had a screened in porch AND a fenced in portion of the yard.

I checked with Teh German to see about going away instead of being home and dealing with all of it and he accepted this suggestion. I cancelled the doggy daycare arrangement and made the reservation in BFE.  So while Teh House is being whored out, we'll be chillin' on the water, watching the sunset and praying that Meri doesn't jump the fence.

Requesting thoughts, prayers, vibes, rain dances, stripper dances, whatever you want to offer to your favorite deity if you have one.. I NEED the offers to come in for the house while we're gone because the idea of having to hole up in First Child Room with Teh German + 3 dogs + Myself while people come to view the house during working times is so absolutely abhorrent and unappealing that I'm not really sure I can handle that.

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Thursday Tribulations

First thing Thursday morning, I woke up and started getting the house ready for photos.  I had all day, HUGE difference in the way things can go.  I laid out fresh sheets for the cleaner to put on, stripped the bed, washed the weighted blanket cover, hid all the stuff in the bathroom, showered, went downstairs and hid things, finally sat down with cereal at my desk to start doing work things.

I have a daily FaceTime meeting at 0930.
The plumber was supposed to come at 10.

What time did the plumber show up?  0935.
Now look.. I get that you want to be early to get on with your day.  I get that being early is more acceptable than being late.  But here's the thing.  I made an appointment at 10 because that's when I AM AVAILABLE.  Not 0935.  Not 0945.  At 1000, I am ready.  Being ON TIME is an art in precision.  If you tell me to be somewhere at a specific time, that's when I'll be there.  I will usually not be more than 5 minutes early.  If I am late it's because there were unforeseen circumstances.

Obviously, I managed it and my coworkers are completely aware that my life is utter nonsense and chaos right now, so it wasn't a big deal.. but Jesus take the wheel.  I was pleased to see that several other coworkers were dealing with screaming children and various issues during our meeting, so it wasn't just me.

After the meeting, I took the opportunity to roll up the runner and carpet pads, do the laundry, relocate the dog beds, and put away the dog toys upstairs.  The plumber finished up and explained to me that now our hot water would be really hot, determined that the water heater thermostat had never been installed by Dan Ryan (similar to the valves that the plumber was there to install), and charged me $400.  Honestly, if this fixes the cold water sandwiches that I've been experiencing, fine.  I had anticipated something along the lines of $300 (because that's what Teh German had said Mr. Golfer had paid for the same service), but I just wrote the check and moved along with my day.

Then, the cleaner who I'd had to reschedule twice, once for her schedule, once for mine, didn't arrive until noon and with her track record of sometimes not showing up and not letting me know until when she'd actually be at my house.. my rage started amping up.  Thankfully, she did come, but I was mentally steeling myself for having to put sheets on the bed and dusting and cleaning the bathrooms.. yet another thing I'd have to manage on my to-do list.

I realized maybe some of my agitation was due to hunger and I went to the fridge to discover that Teh German had taken ALL the leftovers of what I had planned on having for lunch.  Was there other food that could have been eaten in the house? 100% yes.  Was I overly mad about it? 100% yes.  What did I do about it?  I went to McDonald's because it was quick and I like to leave the house for at least a short period so the cleaner can clean the office without me being in there.

I had explained to the cleaner that the photographer was coming at 4.  She acknowledged this.  I assumed she'd be leaving at 4.  Nope.  She was still cleaning.  Thankfully, she wrapped it up within 10 minutes or so, but come on.  Teh German had messaged me to tell me he was on his way home, but truthfully, it didn't matter if he was there or not.  If I had needed assistance, it would have been BEFORE the photographer arrived.  Whatever.  I didn't clarify.  Oh yeah! ANNNDD the realtor had already informed me that she couldn't be here for when the photographer came because something about a Zoom meeting for her kid's school?  IDK.  And earlier that morning she'd asked if someone else could host our open house on Saturday.  Yall.. why the fuck am I paying her a 3% commission?  To list on MLS?  I could have paid $100 and listed on MLS myself (which I just learned 3 seconds ago, thank you Googly).  Also, I do realize she's handling all of the showing stuffs while we're away this weekend.  That's why I'm paying her.  But I'm still gonna bitch about it.

This photographer took his time taking photos.  He took multiple angles of each room.  He asked me why I hadn't liked the other photos.  At first, I couldn't remember and I just felt like an asshole (which I am, but like.. not intentionally all the time).  He asked if he could see the photos and I pulled them up on my phone and they didn't look all that bad.  And then I zoomed in on one and remembered quickly: over-exposed, super noisy, and THE SHIT ON THE GUY'S LENS!  The guy explained that for everything to be so bright is common of industry photographs.  I didn't disagree but I explained that I still wanted the photos to LOOK good.  I also explained that I, too, have a DSLR and use Photoshop and Lightroom.  I'm not asking for $3000 photos, but I am asking for something at least up to the standards of current cell phone photos (from someone who knows what they are doing, not your grandma on Skype for the first time).

Additionally, this time, I walked through the house with the person and was able to move shit that shouldn't be there and told him, if you see something that should be moved, do that.  Once he was done, Teh German and I had some scrolling time.  Teh German almost got out of making dinner since it was storming, but it never rained at our house.  The radar showed that it was raining within half a mile of us though.  Boo.  Eventually, Teh German made dinner and we set about trying to relax.

I had texted the realtor to ask about the process of listing and we ultimately decided to list the house with just a photo from the front with the floor plan and then edit the listing to add the photos after the photographer sends them on Friday.

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Gentle Readers,
Our house is officially for sale and I'm having feelings about it.

Sadness because I absolutely love this house.  It's everything we want/need, even if it is a little bit too big for us.  It's our first house and we built it (and our relationship survived building it) and we improved it and we loved it.  We have framily here.  And mostly.. IT'S OUR HOUSEEEEEEE.  This feels like what it would feel like if we had kids and one went to live overseas and we'd rarely, if ever, see it again.

Tempered with excitement for new adventures and living somewhere that it snows and summer doesn't last 8 months of the year and being near Teh Bestie again and living so close to DC which is simultaneously a shit show and a thrill because big things happen there AND there's so much to do.

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Friday Follies:
0337, my brain: Heeeeeeeyyy girrrrrllll, wake upppppp.  You don't need sleep.  You need ANXIETY!!!  Come on.  You have to pee.  Just go pee and we can lay here until it's daylight outside thinking about all the things you absolutely cannot control.
0347, me: Fine. I'll pee, but I'm coming back to bed to do breathing exercises to go back to sleep, asshole.
0347, brain: Yasssssss.
Pee, go back to bed, attempt breathing exercises.
0402, me: This isn't working.
0402, brain: Huh, you don't say.
0402, me: I should just get up.
0402, brain: OH NO!  Just lay here!  Teh Cloud is the best place!
0402, me: But I'm going to wake up Teh German.
0402, brain: Nah, he sleeps like the dead.  He's fine.  Let's just think about things.
0402, me: I don't want to think about things, I want to SLEEP.
0403, brain: You don't mean that.
0403, me: I do.
0411, me: Welp, it's fuck-this-shit-o-clock.
0411, brain: We were having such a good, anxiety-riddled, time!
0411, me: If I get up now and start doing work things, then I can take a nap later.
0411, brain: Yeah, if you say so.
0415: downstairs, signed in, set desk back up for use, doing things.

#IHateEverything
#NapsInMyFuture

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As a dog mom, it is very rare for me to be able to poop in peace without the sound of some asshole pacing outside the door with their clicky-clicky nails on the floor, driving me absolutely insane.

Do you know what the most peaceful thing is?  Pooping at 0515 when the dogs are still in bed because you shut them in the bedroom when you got up at 0413 to go downstairs.

NO PACING!  No huffs!  No clicks!  Blissful silence.

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We've been sleeping with a weighted blanket for a long time now.  Like almost a year.  I figured it would be NBD to switch it out with a regular quilt for showing purposes and so I didn't have to wrestle that fucking things 2x in one day. 

I was wrong.  Apparently, I MISS the sound of the beads shifting when I move and the weight is comforting, even if moderately annoying when you have to literally lift weights to roll over.

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I would be remiss not to mention the elephant in today's room: 9/11.

Today is such a somber day for so many people, not just Americans.  We think back to what happened 19 years ago and what we were doing and how we came together and how far apart we are now.  My heart is heavy for those who were forced to grieve for more than just the US being attacked, for actual personal loss.  I read the transcription of the call from Brian Sweeney to his wife, Julie, and I tear up every time because I cannot imagine what I'd say to Teh German in a situation where I know I'm probably going to die. 

I think of this call year-round because it's haunting.  Such a private moment shared with the world that we can all empathize/sympathize/relate to in some way.  It's the reason that even if I'm absolutely at my wits end with Teh German and we're giving each other a 3 day silent treatment, I'll still tell him that I love him when we get off the phone/part ways.. because the reality is, you never know which moment will be your last, but I do know that I'd regret every stupid moment of a 3-day silent treatment if that was the last thing we ever didn't say/said to each other.

So often, years later, the common theme was, we reacted in the way we thought was best with the information we had at the time, and that was acceptable.  Yes, errors were made, but they were made in haste as a reaction to the events that had occurred and some of those errors were later remedied or reversed.  (Yes, I'm aware some were not.)

(And to get on my soapbox...)
I believe that we need to look at the past and learn from it.  We are making history right now and yet we are blind to the paths that we had to traverse to get where we are now.  We insist on the stubborn, "we are right!" path, rather than learn from mistakes.  Many people often feel injustice when they have only been inconvenienced.  We need to learn to recognize ACTUAL injustice and change course to right the wrongs.  We might not be able to make up for the past, but we can blaze a new path forward.  That's the thing about learning from mistakes, you can choose to repeat them or you can choose something different, whether it be radical or barely noticeable.  Making the CHOICE is the first step to making big change.

ZWEI - Money Shit

-A new router
-New dog food (fingers-crossed, ALL the dogs can eat this one without reactions)
-Vet visit for Pax and his broken toe nail.  Ugh.
-Sonic Smores shake.  It's fucking delicious and all I think about these days.
-Groceries
-House Selling Getaway Weekend (AirBnB)
-Plumber
-Cleaner

It's been an expensive ass week.  Do not like.

DREI - From My Phone Shit

Theoretically good idea: Burn pallets.
Executionally bad idea: Burn pallets when it's 90°F outside.

When you bought 2 phone stands because work and home and felt kinda lush about it..
and then you were given a work phone and actually USE two phone stands...

Crockpot chicken + store-bought broccoli cheddar soup + Panera bread bowls = no sadness.

My official desk "decoration" as a new job celebration.

"I no longer look for a place to stand,
I look for a place to fly."

Also, Flying Edna is StoryPeople, except not really.  It's complicated.

When my cell phone photo of my house looks better than the "professional" photos.

That white spot looks tiny in the photo, but it is NOT in person.
That's where something was touching the wall and when I moved it, the paint moved too.
SO MUCH RAGE.

I had been hopeful we'd make some money on selling the house.
Turns out, we won't.. as we're going to have to burn it down now.

Mooooooooooooose Snoooooooooooooooooot

A tiny widdle Muppet-ier.

A big ol' muppet snoot!

Sharing.
Against Meri's will.

Sandra Dee and her broccoli!

Sandra Dee and the Snek.

Hida-Moose!

VIER - From the Internet Shit

My current jams:

Even if it is not because of a failure, but a SUCCESS.

FÜNF - Things that made me happy this week

1. Dog visits behind the desk.  For as much as they annoy me, I also love it.  For instance, while I was typing this, Sandy decided she needed attention RIGHT NOW and kept bumping my elbow.  I gave her the WTF? and then she rested her chin on my shoulder like a parrot and started licking my ear.  It's hard to be mad when you're laughing.
2. Setting my foot down on shitty photos.  I asked my sounding boards for a sanity check, but they weren't available and so off I went on my merry way.
3. Being able to leave the door open without feeling like I was paying to air condition outside... for like 3 hours or something.  It was good.
4. Lists with reminders.. Otherwise, I would have forgotten something in the staging.
5. Sitting outside for dinner after we cleaned the pergola.  It's nice when our space is clean and not depressing.  Too bad it's still mostly too hot to be out there more.
6. No one at New Job being overly worried if I'm productive or not.  Really makes dealing with my personal disasters much easier.
7. Laughs with Teh German.  He's pretty funny.
8. Deciding to get out of town for the weekend.  It makes so many things less stressful, even if it did require being overloaded to come to that point.
9. Not working out.  This week, we got a pass, it was agreed.  Next week, Teh German starts his new job and teleworking, so that will also be an adjustment!
10. Surviving this motherfuckin' week and putting the house on the market, officially.

Happy Friday, Gentle Readers.