Immediate Expert

I have never pretended that I was a master coder.  In fact, mostly I just flounder around with coding until I am so overly frustrated at not succeeding that I just give up and walk away until I have to come back to it.  Then I flounder more until some unsuspecting soul takes pity on me and ends up fixing all my fucked up code and then it magically works and we're all happy (please see: School Spouse's role in my life during Fall 2019 and my former coworker who enjoyed doing my Assembly homework assignments for me and then also getting pissed of at PITA Professor's horribly subjective grading policies).

So anyways, last week, I was doing a screenshare with one of my coworkers to learn something new (which happens frequently) and he has been working on a rather large project.  This guy knows all sorts of things and I go to him for so many things.  

So anyways, during our screenshare, I noticed that he had a tab open that said, "Java while loop".

This guy writes all sort of code things.
He had to Google a while loop for whatever he working on.
I have to Google things like that all the time when I'm trying to write code. 

Honestly, it made me feel like I'm not as much of a dumbass as I tell myself I am. If the professional/expert still has to sometimes Google things he's working on, it's not such a bad thing if I, the beginner, need to find assistance.

I didn't mention it to him.
I mention it here because it felt like a RELIEF in my head.  Like cutting myself the tiniest bit of slack.  I mean, I still referred to myself as a dumbass (negative self-talk), but I accepted that if someone experienced needs to Google something to complete a task, I should not be so frustrated with myself for not just fucking knowing how to do something, despite having NEVER done it before.  EVER.

What kind of Megan fuckary logic is that?
I should just KNOW how to do something I've never done before.

This doesn't just apply to Work Megan.  
It applies to Gym Megan.
And Spouse Megan.
And Dog Mom Megan.
And Homeowner Megan.
And ME Megan.
All Teh Megans.

And I'm writing it here so I can see it and read it and KNOW IT.

It is not a sign of weakness to ask for help.
It is NOT a sign of weakness to NEED help.

Everyone starts somewhere.

Be it on Stack Overflow or doing box step-ups instead of box jumps.

Starting and stopping over and over is better than never starting anything for fear of failure.

Except for starting double unders.
Fuck double unders.